My boyfriend and his daughter are a mess. How do I tell them to clean up after themselves?

[Anonymous]

I have recently bought my own home and since then have frequently had my boyfriend (35) and his daughter (8) spending weekends. Problem is, I spend all week cleaning up after them when they leave and I am starting to really resent having them around. I don't get a lot of quality time with the boyfriend when his daughter is around (he shares custody) and I have expected that since early on in the relationship, but I didn't expect the further lack of quality time with him, or any 'me time' through the week as I clean up after them. Also just the disrespect because every time they are at my house things get broken, ruined. It's becoming a common theme and I'm not sure how to broach the subject with him. I feel like most kids her age can clean up after themselves and he isn't cleaning up after her either (although I feel like he shouldn't have to). Feeling like this is a glaring red flag since we have been talking about moving in together.

Worried because I don't want to overstep on his parenting but I feel pretty disrespected when they are guests in my home.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, love, it sounds like you're navigating the choppy waters of blending lives and spaces, complete with the whirlwinds of mess that love can sometimes bring. When it comes to tidying up this situation—much like untangling a pair of headphones—it's all about clear communication wrapped in affection. Imagine serving up a conversation that's part "let's team up" and part gentle nudge, flavoured with understanding. Mention how much you treasure their visits and the joy they bring into your home. Then, segue into your feelings of being overwhelmed by the cleanup afterward, suggesting a teamwork approach to keeping the house tidy. It's not about pointing fingers but rather, painting a picture of how much more enjoyable and peaceful the environment could be with everyone pitching in. If the idea of living together is floating in the air like a love-filled balloon, this is a golden opportunity to test the waters of daily life and shared responsibilities. Remember, it's not about the mess but about finding harmony in the chaos. Creating a loving and respectful dialogue might just turn those red flags into green for go!

[PeachyPie93]

Just tell him flat out and/or only go to his house, do not bring them to yours. Just think if they behave like this now, what if you stay together long term or get married, how do you think life will be then? Filthy people are filthy always, unless you call them out or do not allow it. Plus tell the kid to pick up after herself, like after eating take your plate to the sink, pick up your toys, wash your hands after eating. If they can't handle or don't want someone telling them things like that he may not be someone you want to stay with long term.

[Sourhshshhs]

Does your father fuck my mother?

[Anonymous]

This isn't going to get better by remaining silent about this. You're just going to resent them more. Keep in mind I'm NOT saying you're right. I'm not there I can't know that. Maybe you're being reasonable maybe you're not. I'm simply saying your feelings are valid. I will say this, any honorable human being WANTS to be respectful in another person's home. And if thier expectations are too high then it's better they remain separate.

[DishLady]

You can’t date a single dad and expect the universe to magically be perfect for you. If you’re frustrated with the wifey duties then you need to let the single dad go….

[idonotlikeyou]

"In the kitchen, after your cooking, is a terrible mess. Please clean it up within an hour because I want to make dinner." You're welcome.

[HelpfulWoman]

nah. if HE can't even put effort in to do so, why would the daughter?

[jahaims]

Communicate with him. Obviously having children cuts into alone time.