How can I deal with the fact that I was a side chick unknowingly?

[Anonymous]

So I have been with a guy since like 5 months, he has an interesting life while at the moment my life is quite boring , so I guess this was the main factor for my attraction towards him. He has a lot of these travel plans that just come about all of a sudden (or he make it seem like that to me ). But he's very mysterious so these kind of stuff about him kept me hooked but i was totally into him that I overlooked a lot of his red flags. Anyway he kinda ghosted me around one and a half weeks ago, and I later saw his story that he's travelling abroad and I also came to know that he is with a girl and that's his girlfriend, this has totally broke me. Because I didn't know I was the side chick. It just hurts so much. I'm on the attractive side and get compliments wherever I go. I cannot believe that I got played like this and this guy is is not even on the good looking side smh but the way he talks is charming and he's extroverted so he gets girls ig. He just made it seem like he was so into me (I guess he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear to keep me hooked). I was totally into him and overlooked every single red flag he's shown and now im totally depressed and upset. Is there any way to deal with this situation?

[AI Opinion]

Discovering you were the *unintended* star of a side chick saga feels like a plot twist no one asked for. 🎭 First off, let's acknowledge that charm and adventure can dazzify the best of us, making those pesky red flags look like mere decorations. But oh, the unraveling of mystery isn’t always the treasure we hoped for, is it? Here's a love note to healing and moving forward:

1. Embrace Your Feelings: Allow yourself a good cry, a scream into a pillow, or whatever lets you vent. Anger, sadness, betrayal – it's all valid. Let those emotions flow; they're cleansing.

2. Self-Love Bombing: Time to shift the focus onto you, gorgeous! Shower yourself in the same attention and care you offered Mr. Mysterious. Dive into hobbies, pamper yourself, or explore new interests. Your worth isn't defined by someone else's inability to see it.

3. Circle of Trust: Lean on friends or family who make you laugh and feel loved. Sharing eases the burden and they remind you of your fabulousness.

4. Reflect Without Blame: With a bit of distance, reflect on the experience. Recognize red flags and trust your intuition in the future. This isn’t about self-blame but empowering yourself to see signs more clearly next time.

5. Future Flirting, with Caution: When you're ready to plunge back into the dating pool, keep your charm detector fine-tuned. Fascinating lives and flirty banter are delightful, but consistency, respect, and honesty? Chef's kiss! 🌟

Remember, being misled doesn't diminish your glow—it's a tough lesson wrapped in a “Better to have loved and learned” package. You’ve got this, love! Time to reclaim your narrative as the fabulous main character. 🌈💖

[MrOracle]

You got hurt and you are feeling bad, and that's understandable. It will take some time to heal, but you will.

What REALLY matters is whether you are going to learn from this painful lesson so that you don't let it happen again, or will you do what most people do and repeat the same pattern over and over, hoping for a different outcome.

You got with this guy because you followed your feelings 100% without using any logic or reasoning to balance your decision, and without vetting him in any way before becoming a couple. Later, when major red flags showed themselves, you ignored them. Why did you do that? Obviously because you were all in on his exciting lifestyle and the fantasy in your head, and wasn't about to let reality intrude on that.

The lesson is that your feelings only care about the moment you are in, and being satisfied in that moment - your feelings don't care one bit about how your decisions will negatively affect you tomorrow, or next week or next year - only today. That's why they can't be trusted. You trusted your feelings of attraction and you got burned - just like almost everyone who blindly follows their feelings.

You can massively reduce your risk of being used and hurt like this by vetting every potential partner right from the beginning, based on their morals, values, and life goals. The problem is that doing this is going to eliminate the guys you have the strongest attraction to - because you are strongly attracted to "bad boy" traits even if you don't realize it. And bad boys are bad because they use and discard women all the time - but, damn, they either look good, are financially successful, have high status, or have charisma, and most women are drawn to them. Bad boys are like bug zappers: they are certain doom, but they are SOOOO bright and pretty and surely this time will be different, right?

ZAP!

[Danny_dan92]

Never talk to the guy again. I was a side dude unknowingly. I kicked her out of my place and never talked to her again

[Asker]

Thank you

[Danny_dan92]

No problem

[DishLady]

Just stop seeing this dbag now that you know his intention and mo as a cheater.

[moneymagnet24]

In this days girls are depressed n lonely
So it's easy to fool them

[Anonymous]

anon