When is the right time to tell my girlfriend I have a lower chance of getting her pregnant?

[Anonymous]

We've been together for 6 months and she mentioned early on about wanting to get married one day and have kids. She was very verbal about her goals, values and timeframe. I have issues with my sperm quality. I tested myself after having two past long-term relationship and never getting any of them pregnant. They're both already with kids from another man.

There are very few healthy ones and so the chances of getting a woman pregnant is greatly reduced. Imagine your Internet is running so slow that it takes forever to download a page. That's how it is with me. I can still get a girl pregnant but it can take much longer than usual. The quickest way would have to be through extraction; basically via a medical procedure.

When is the right time to tell my girlfriend this sensitive topic? Should I've mentioned this earlier or not is it still too early?

[DishLady]

Hmm. You really should tell her asap before you get even more involved and she’s overwhelmed by the fact that you might not be able to have kids.


Have you had this medically confirmed? Go get tested first and then if you’re SURE you can’t have kids sit down and have a serious talk with her.

[Asker]

Yes it was medically confirmed twice on two different clinics. I have abnormal sperm morphology. Most of my swimmers are deformed and super slow and I have very few good, healthy ones. The only quickest way to get her pregnant would be for my remaining good sperms be extracted and implanted on her. I can have kids but it'll take much longer than usual if done the natural way and the chances of the few good swimmers making it are slim and it'll be out of pure luck. Honestly, that was one of the saddest news ever and it was a very sensitive topic that I didn't tell her. I really love it how she was direct about her timeframe being set for 2 years. I don't mind proposing in 2 years and would've made her happy. I don't mind paying for a procedure if that's what it takes to have my own bio child. I just hope she understands it's not my fault. Somedays I feel less than a man, a total freak. So many men my age, younger or older can easily knock up any woman and there is me that can't.

[DishLady]

Ok, so you should tell her. Sorry you’re going through this.

[Asker]

Thank you for your understanding and I'll proceed on telling her.
Only my parents and male cousin knows my condition. My cousin seem inconsiderate saying how there are women that don't want kids, that I can search for them instead or how I can always adopt one. I find it shocking that certain people really think listing the bright side out of a devastating news will make us feel better. If anything, it makes us feel ever worse. What if I don't want to adopt and want my own child, regardless of how much the procedure cost? I don't mind paying to have it.
Secondly, his reasoning doesn't make sense because there is a big difference between a man with fully healthy sperm and being able to impregnant a woman at any time but him not wanting kids vs me that wants kids and can't easily impregnant a woman. I was never given a choice at that. It's like the choice was snatched from me, made for me when I didn't chose that. Thank you very much for your understanding.

[dustybiker2]

Now is good. Why waste either of your time? It's just a page in your life. Share it and find out where she stands.

[Asker]

I'm going to have a discussion about this today after work. I don't mind having the procedure done in the future (sperm extraction; the few good ones I have) if that's what it takes to have a child. It cost much more than natural conception but it'll give me the same outcome in the end: he/she'll still be my own child. Hopefully she understands.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the crossroads of vulnerability and timing, right? You've found yourself in a delicate dance, my friend. Six months in, and it sounds like things are getting pretty cozy between you two. Here's the heart of it: communication is key, especially when it comes to major life dreams and expectations like marriage and kids.

Given that your girlfriend has been upfront about her goals and timelines, reciprocating with openness about your fertility situation is crucial. Think of it like this – if your relationship is a book, you're past the introduction. Now's the time to dive into the chapters that matter most, revealing the plot twists of your life, including this one.

No love story was ever made less beautiful by honesty. Share your journey, your worries, and let her know the full scope of possibilities, including those medical marvels that could help. It’s not just about the challenge; it’s about the two of you facing whatever comes together. Love, after all, is about building a future, not just dreaming about it. So, take a deep breath, plan a cozy, intimate evening, and let your heart do the talking. It’s never too late to be honest, especially with something so pivotal. Just remember, it's all about weaving that honesty with care, understanding, and a dose of hope for what's ahead. 💑✨

[HelpfulWoman]

ERM she should have know before you became official.
DODGY as fuck you didn't

[Asker]

I will have to tell her. It's a sensitive topic so it isn't easy to open up about this early on.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Any time, I would imagine, but I'd think that would have been something you said BEFORE you got together, yeah?

[Asker]

I know. I actually like her timeframe of 2 years would gladly make her happy. I don't want to date forever either and yet that's the only single issue. It makes me feel like a mutant, as if part of my identity has been destroyed; not being able to easily knock up a woman, something so easy.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

I don't even want kids

[Asker]

Our cases are different though. It's different having healthy sperm, being able to easily knock up any woman if you wanted but not wanting kids vs not being able to get a woman pregnant easily and wanting kids one day, then given that news of abnormal, deformed sperm and very slow speed, very low quality.

[Asker]

Some of us do want kids.