Can a Man and a Woman be "Just Friends"?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

When Harry Met Sally...

Are there certain conditions under which a man and a woman can be friends successfully? Can it be done without one being hurt?

Why or why not? What do you think?

Yes, under the right circumstances...

No way, someone is going to get hurt...

Updates

2 d

I'm going to add a few things to also think about as you consider your response:

Friends vs. close friends
Age
Attraction
Exclusivity

I think a 60 year-old woman and a 25 year old man can be friends. I think a fit guy and an overweight girl can be friends. I think an attractive woman and a good-looking guy can be friends provided they aren't meeting for coffee or hanging out exclusively without a very good reason (work, for example).

Updates

2 d

I just need to clarify that this is a rhetorical question, prompted by another question that was asked by someone else on GAG. :)

[HawkPerception]

I genuinely believe so. I've had 2 girls that I've been friends with for about 10 years. One I've known since elementary school too.

One has been jumping from relationship to relationship and the other has been in a relationship for 6 years now and I'm actually going to her wedding in August. This is the one I've known since elementary school, so we go way back although we weren't technically friends until after high school.

The thing is there are a lot of things that need to align for me to consider a girl a potential romantic partner. If even one of these categories is off, I doubt I'd be able to have romantic feelings for her.

Is she single?

Do I find her physically attractive?

Are we compatible personality-wise (for me that means a ton of similarities including: views, interests, sense of humor, the way we communicate with each other, similar goals/direction in life, sexual compatibility, etc)?

Are the circumstances right (like am I in the right place in life to meet her expectations)?

Etc.

For me with both of my friends, I'm not compatible with either of them and with one of them, I'm not attracted to physically either. While I do respect them and enjoy chilling with them, I wouldn't want a relationship with them because I can't see a life with them. I only genuinely want them to be happy.

However, I do have to admit when guys say that guys cannot be friends with girls, I do genuinely get it. MOST guys (not all) would take any chance they can to in a girl's pants even if they're in a relationship. I'll be arrogant and say that I am not one of those guys. On top of knowing what I want in life, I would never cross the boundary of a relationship to be a homewrecker. For me that's the equivalent of cheating. And I genuinely believe cheating can only be done by people with low emotional intelligence.

What I tell all my partners is that I'm cool with them chilling with guy friends as long as I meet the guy and deem him as trustworthy. And even then, I'd prefer if I'm at least invited to wherever they're going. If I can't make it, then I'd just trust them. And the same goes for me. Trust is earned and built over time. I tell my partners where I am any time I change locations or I'm heading somewhere and who I'm with or going to be with. I give my partners fingerprint access to my phone and if they want it, I'd login to my social media for them to check anything they want. As long as I show my partner I have nothing to hide, then that should build their trust. I expect them to do the same with me and so far in each of my relationships other than my first one, I have not had to ask my partners to do the same. They just did it. Actually, I think it was both of my last partners that initiated it for me 😂

But my answer is yes... I do think a man and woman can just be friends. The key is that when you get into a relationship, you're always open and honest with your partner and in cases with friendships with the opposite sex, to try and integrate them in your social circle.

[blueonblack22]

This only works if:

• There is no attraction on either side which is rare. The acid test is one of them feels jealousy when they see the other involved in a romantic endeavor.
• One person isn’t using the other for “special” benefits. I find that as a man when I’m out with a female friend there more pressure placed on me to “watch out for her” in public. Also when we got to a restaurant who do you think the waiter hands the bill to first?
• Even if it’s genuinely platonic can they deal with other people wondering what they are up to including their significant others? I personally trust women with a lot of “guy friends” far less when it comes to dating. If she’s upset with me it’s far more unnerving she could be crying over some guy’s D vs. crying over on another woman’s shoulder.

But anyway why is it always women asking “can guys and girls be just friends”? The answer is simple: overall a platonic male friend is much more beneficial to a woman than vice versa. She gets attention, someone to make her feel safe, someone to help her move heavy objects, logical male advice about problems, etc. What exactly does a man get out of it? Someone to talk to and hang out with? That’s fine and good. But overall it usually benefits the woman more. A lot more.

There is a very good reason why men don’t ask these questions nor “seek out” women to be platonic friends with. Truth is women have far less to offer men here than vice versa. That doesn’t mean I’m opposed to be friends with women. I’ve been good friends with one woman for over 15+ years now. But I didn’t seek her out. We became friends via happenstance over a work situations

But ladies this you HAVE to understand. Please stop trying to convert a man who initially showed romantic interest into “a friend”. Just don’t do it. It’s not a sex issue but rather a respect issue for the man. He feels like you respect him as a real man in these scenarios.

You might not intend it that way but he will feel resentful. Or worse he will go along with it hoping you will at one point “change your mind”. We all know at that point the chances of that are slim to none. But some men stick around anyway (to their own detriment)

When that happens the best you can do is be tactfully honest with him. Make it very clear you respect his efforts and feelings. But also be honest you aren’t interested.

You have no idea how far respect goes for a man when he gets rejected. He might be angry at the outcome but not angry at you personally. Huge difference there. And it’s very possible to stay friendly after that (not the same as friends).

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@blueonblack22 This is very well said. I asked this question because of another question where a girl was wondering why a guy who was "just friends" stopped communicating with her. I think the answer lies in your opinion. Thank you!

[blueonblack22]

@TheRealPepperPotts thanks. Many women very mistakenly believe they can platonically “bond” with a straight man the same way they can with another woman. In 95%+ of cases a huge no on that one.

If there is any chance he’s interested in you don’t ever go there. To him that comes off as you see him as another woman vs a real man. Most women have no idea how deeply insulting that is for a man.

Also many women are real dismissive about guys getting upset about this like men have an attitude about being entitled to sex. Some young/immature men might react that way but for most guys that’s not the real issue. A mature man can handle tactful rejection as long he feels the woman out the mental effort into respecting his position. So please never say “can we just be friends” when you reject a man or worse make a unilateral unannounced decision to friendzone him and assume he will be okay with it. He won’t be. Trust me.

[1073sucks]

Can but usually it’s friend that became friends through other people.

for example your cousin’s fat friend is cool and is now your friend. She is female and if she were not your cousin’s friend, you would have never gone out of your way to go befriend a fat girl.

most me so not go purposely make friends with girls they’re NOT attracted to.

if at any moment a male becomes friends with a female they don’t find attractive it’s usually due to external reasons and not their own choice.

so of course they can be just friends but if the guy befriended you, it’s because he found you attractive at willing to date or fuck you, just waiting for the opportunity to open up. And that’s the reason they says men and women cannot be friends.

most women don’t even think of this as they don’t think of fucking their friends for the most part. And they’d be surprised to find out most of their make friends that directly befriended them No through others, are just waiting for an opportunity.

and no I’m not a man using a female profile to post this.
it’s just simple facts that are mostly commonsense.

[1073sucks]

I wrote this answering to man. Had no idea it was alemán but you get the drift.

Men don’t go out of their way to befriend fat or women they wouldn’t date/fuck. It usually happens they make friends like that through other means.

Men. Not me (autocorrect)

[1073sucks]

Male* not make

[DishLady]

Yeah, I certainly think so. I'm just friends with a ton of fellas and honestly there's never been an issue of attraction, there's never been a lot of the drama that women on G@G claim (e. g., oooh, he has a girlfriend, what should *I* do? ooooh, I have a boyfriend and he stopped texting/liking/etc. etc. etc. 🙄). We keep things very light and simple, there's some sharing of life details and such... and we go about our business. A lot of them are married now that we're all older and it's not an issue. The ones who have a smattering of kids don't have time to chat anymore... and that's also understandable. Honestly I don't know why folks make such a big deal about co-ed friendships. It's not a big deal if you and your friend have clear and concise boundaries from the start.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@DishLady I feel the same way! This right here...^ I've never understood the whole girls + guys can't be friends thing. Like you said, it's called having "boundaries"!

[DishLady]

For some people I’ll tell you it’s not bc they HAVE sexual feelings and are fronting that they just want to be friends… those instances have to be shut down before they become messy. But other times a guy just admires a trait in you and isn’t attracted physically, etc. (Same goes for girls. We’re all just human.)

[Finchie40]

Only if there is no attraction from either side whatsoever , which sadly is rarely ever the case. When I am single , I tend to have more girl friends than when I am not single. Out of respect for my relationship , I tend to distance myself from other girls’ to show respect to my partner. I don’t end my friendships with girls’ I just let them know the truth that I am no longer single , Most girls’ understand the foundations of relationships and some don’t give a fuck, so it just depends on the friendship her and I share together. If her intentions is to jeopardize my relationship than to me she is not a friend , she just wants what she can’t have. So those type of girl friends I distance myself from out of respect for my partner. But being single? I will stay friends with whoever I want to stay friends with , I had some girl friends that wanted more than just friendship with me and I have slept with a few of them through the years , but I really don’t consider her a true friend anymore , if we are having sex together. She becomes a FWB’s instead lol. Because true friends don’t fuck each other , so if they do? It puts you both on a new level. Why I prefer FWB’s with girls’ these days , Relationships sadly aren’t the same anymore , it’s very rare to find someone that is actually in it for the long haul , over the short haul not saying it isn’t out there , just seems harder to find these days. So instead of rushing into a relationship with someone I prefer her and I to be FWB’s first , to really get to know each other and to really see if we are both on it for the long haul , it takes a lot of time to really get to know someone , so it’s best to take things slow while having fun with each other in the process

[OlderAndWiser]

I have been friends with women to whom I felt no attraction.

I have been friends with a woman to whom I was attracted (lust, not love) but I knew the feelings were not reciprocated, so I kept it in my pants and we were just friends.

[AmyHew1tt]

Yes, it can. I've had quite a few guy friends, the closest one with not even the slightest romantic interest or attraction on either side. Some guys, even straight ones, just give off the bestie vibe.

More often than not, women can always be 'just friends' with guys. It's usually the men that can't be 'just friends' with women, and a lot of the time, in my experience at least, they don't have any interest in getting to know women if they won't gain some sort of sexual or romantic aspect from the relationship.

[imtiaz45]

Yes, a man and a woman can be "just friends." Friendships between men and women can be based on mutual respect, shared interests, and emotional support, without any romantic or sexual involvement. While societal norms and personal experiences might sometimes complicate these friendships, many people successfully maintain platonic relationships. Clear communication, boundaries, and mutual understanding are key to ensuring that these friendships remain healthy and platonic. Each friendship is unique, and with trust and respect, men and women can enjoy meaningful, non-romantic connections.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/SHG8KWwv1YU

[PeachyPie93]

Yes you can, because even if the person is hot or attractive sometimes what you want from life or just your morals, do not line up. Plus just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you need to have sex with them. Most my guy friends were the "hot guys" but because either I thought they just wouldn't like me, or some of them were just such hoes or cheaters I couldn't see them like that lol. Of course you got your ugly friends too and for obvious reasons you aren't attracted to each other but hanging out is super fun!

[hahahmm]

Those who truly don't want to lose their fiance/spouse/ltr don't have close opposite sex friends although it's understandable when someone who hasn't really made up their mind on who they want to be with doesn't get how it works.

A lot of single people want to imagine that they have a right to unlimited freedom no matter what relationship they get into but it doesn't really work that way if you want the relationship to be solid.

You notice people who break up/fall out of a marriage always have a "friend" on the side.

[FunkyMonkee]

Absolutely! I've been very close friends with Kelly every since we first met in `02. We've always considered each other to be brother & sister.
I'd still be very close friends with Rae had she not died 18 years ago.
And Carol, had she not gone full bitch on me 4 years ago (after being best friends since 1980) just because I couldn't afford to give her 50c to buy cat food for a stray cat!
Sally & I would also still be best friends, even after we fucked several times in `82, if only she'd step out into public once in a while. Last time I saw her was `01 and we had a nice long chat (at least an hour) before she left and hasn't been heard from, since.

[pass_the_celery98]

Let’s be honest here. A girl or woman who eventually marries a man or guy will be focused on her marriage, at least she should be. Once she does, men and guys don’t want their wives or girlfriends to have male friends. It’s not a control thing it’s just fact that either the guy will want sex from you or a relationship with you hopefully it fails. I think females are extremely naive to think or assume it’s controlling behaviour. Girls I’ve talked to have all eventually moved on and we were considered “friends”, I’ve had girls tell me, hey it’s been nice knowing you but I’m moving on from this. That’s why I strongly believe a woman’s or girl’s love or care is only categorized it’s limited. I don’t need to be friends with a girl because that bullshit of, friends make the best lovers down the road, that’s bullshit to.

[dustybiker2]

Not every relationship is sexual. If you get along that's friendship. Otherwise it's just passing a thickheaded man on the street and who needs that company? I don't.

[dustybiker2]

Ha. I was grumpy when I woke.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Eh, no worries. We all have those moments... :D

[MisterWack]

I have multiple female friends and one girlfriend, debunked!
Men can have their bros and girls along with a partner if they so choose.

Women can have their gal pals and boys along with a partner if they so choose.

Whether professional, fun, general interest as buds, etc. doesn’t matter gender, you can be best of buddies.

[sage2021]

I have had a man in my life for 26 years and we see each other almost every day and we are only friends.
We kind of adopted each other back then because neither one of us has a family and we both grew up without a father.
We consider each other like brother and sister and we have each other's backs. I have his more than he has mine🙂

[just_a_potato]

I used to worry that the answer was no... until I met one of my closest friends 2 years ago. He's like my big brother now and he treats me like his annoying little sister. He didn't even start going out with his girlfriend until I met her myself, and could sus her out lol! It's possible to just be friends, yes.

[Amandanator]

Friends as in acquaintances sure. Friends as in hanging out when there is more than just me around. It would be weird if it was just the guy alone with me because I know what is on their minds all the time lol. Plus significant others wouldn’t be a fan of that.

[Agape93]

Absolutely. I have 0 desire to be romantic with or fuck @BCRanger10 or @OlderAndWiser , and we get along well

[OlderAndWiser]

Now I'm devastated! :) :) :) JK!

[Agape93]

Lol.

[MikeTheBartender]

Absolutely. I've slept with over 200 women, I've had a ton of female friends that I never wanted them and they never wanted me. And I'm on the more horny spectrum. So for normal guys id imagine it would be even easier.

[spartan55]

'Horny spectrum' 😂 😂 😂

[Billlewis]

Of course they can. I often try to convince a woman that who may not necessarily be interested in me romantically to allow me to serve her in other, non sexual ways.

[thatshydork]

I had many male friends in high school who had absolutely no feelings for me romantically in high school. I know this because all my guy friends were either gay, in a relationship, or both.

[pass_the_celery98]

I don't know, guys can mask their feelings quite well, it's not easy meeting girls who are even acquaintances in life whether through work or school. I say that because if she is somewhat familiar with him she'll be less stand-off'ish versus a random guy on the street who approaches her and asks her out.

[thatshydork]

@pass_the_celery98 well most of them were gay or in a relationship or both. The ones with girlfriends only became my friend because I was friends with their girlfriends. In any case, it would be insanely awkward if they did like me.

[pass_the_celery98]

would you end the friendship if they admitted feelings for you.

[thatshydork]

@pass_the_celery98 no, but I’d remind them they have a girlfriend already and unless they are over those feelings, I will at the very least consider telling their girlfriend. I do not stand for infidelity and I feel as though a girlfriend has the right to know if their boyfriend is admitting his feelings for someone that’s not her. If they choose to end our friendship after that, well then that’s on them.

[pass_the_celery98]

That seems like such a romantic comedy movie thing that would happen 🙄 You tell his girlfriend, girlfriend gets mad and kicks him in the balls and you’re like 🤷🏻‍♀️ you shouldn’t have feelings for me dude since you have a girlfriend and then you walk away 😭

[idonotlikeyou]

Guys only want one thing. So, true friendship with them is impossible. They'll pretend, and then it'll be "I've fallen in love with you" or "you're so beautiful." Traitors.

[hahahmm]

Funny you say that because when I was younger I did think of maybe 3 women as just friends. They reminded me of family in some way BUT they could only see it as me wanting something more so I gave up on trying to have that kind of friendship. Yes, usually a guy only even notices a woman because he finds her attractive. That's true too.

[Nikki1989]

For the millionth time, most of my friends ARE male, so obviously they can be. Just because some sad incels or trolls on here say no doesn't make it true.

[msc545]

Yes of course. I have female friends that I'm not physically or sexually attracted to but I find to be charming, companions and friends. It's very easy.