Is it ok for my girlfriend of 3yrs not to tell me who is messaging her on telegram?

[Anonymous]

Recently, I found myself in a confusing situation. I noticed on her screen that someone was messaging her on the Telegram app early in the morning, which I didn't know she even has. As far as I know, it's like WhatsApp, which is highly secure and auto-deletes messages. So I got the app and saw that she was online one morning. I wrote to her good morning that day, and she got mad when I asked about it. She says it looks like I'm stalking her. I told her if I was stalking you, I wouldn't have said good morning to you on the telegram app. She says she didn't feel she needed to tell me everyone she talked to. I agree with that. However, this looks shady to me. Why not just say I'm talking to bla bla bla and put an end to this? I really need your perspective on this. I think she should tell me if there's nothing to hide. What do I do now?

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the waters of trust and transparency in a relationship, aren't we? It's like being on a sailboat without a map, but hey, I'm here to help you find your bearings. 🌊

First off, feeling uneasy about your partner hiding conversations is natural. Communication is the compass that guides relationships, after all. It's less about who's messaging her and more about the secrecy surrounding it, right? If you've been sailing smoothly for three years, it's only fair to expect some openness about who's on the other end of those early morning chats.

Here’s a thought, instead of turning into Sherlock Holmes, why not focus on the heart of the matter? Express how this situation makes you feel without making it sound like an accusation. It’s all about that emotional connection and feeling secure with each other.

Remember, it's not the act of her talking to someone that's the issue—it's the mystery behind it that's causing a storm. Approach her with love, not suspicion. After all, trust is the anchor, and communication is the rope that ties the ship to the anchor. Let her know you’re aiming for clear skies and calm waters together. 💑

If she values the relationship, she’ll understand where you're coming from and open up. Keep the conversation light and from the heart, and hopefully, you'll navigate through this together. Love should be your north star, guiding you both to a place of understanding and transparency. Good luck, and may the relationship wind be ever in your favor!

[Asker]

Thank you for the excellent responce!!

[Finchie40]

She has a right to not tell you, but you also have a right to not stay with her ass. If she can’t be honest with you, about who she is talking to , that early in the morning? then tell her she is best to go and find someone else that she can keep secrets from. If she wasn’t doing anything wrong? She would have immediately told you the truth , but the fact that she is getting upset about it? Is your answer that she is more than likely talking to someone she shouldn’t be talking to. If she gets mad and says you are insecure? Just say No , I am not insecure , I just feel disrespected and I no longer want to be with someone that thinks it’s ok to disrespect me , so pack your shit and get out. If she loves you and cares about you? She will confess to you who she is talking to , Listen to me , Do not apologize to her, even if you find out she wasn’t talking to anyone bad. Stand your ground man and don’t kiss her ass , because. You did nothing wrong by asking her who she was talking to on Telegram? She was in the wrong by not being honest with you to begin with. Most females try to manipulate their men and act like he is the bad guy when really she is the POS. My ex tried pulling that shit with me , and she was surprised I wasn’t falling for her shit. Most females’ try this shit on Guam thinking she is sneaky and can get away with shit like this and than they wonder why they keep ending up single

[Asker]

WOW very impressive! Thank you man! Great job! Very much to the point with no BS!

[Asker]

Powerful statement! Thanks for your imput man!

[Finchie40]

No problem man , this is shit i wish I learned at a younger age with girls’. but sadly I learned to long hard way lol Most girls’ want a man she can look up to that will only tolerate her shit for a certain extent , if a guy constantly kisses her ass and says I’m sorry baby , I love you , you did nothing wrong , It was wrong of me to accuse you of being up to no good , she is going to look at you as a weak desperate man. Girls’ love a guy that doesn’t really tolerate her shit , a guy that will put her in line and make it clear to her that she will be replaced, if she doesn’t shape the fuck up in the relationship. She can point fingers at you all she wants , but the truth is she isn’t pointing fingers at herself first. So never let a girl try to manipulate you when she is clearly in the wrong , never stoop down to her level , why so many girls’ love bad boys , she wants what she can’t have , when you balance between good guy and bad guy to her , she will be on her toes and on her knees for you , if she chooses to walk away from you? That’s your fault for being weak to her. Yes it’s hard at times but that’s honestly what most girls’ want. A girl needs to feel safe and protected by her man, she wants to look up to him , not. Down at him , if you have her looking up to you? She will have no problem getting on her knees to you and being submissive to you. You don’t have to be an asshole but you are best to be stern with her and not allow her to look down at you. Make it seem like you are perfectly fine without her in your life when she starts doing stupid shit like she was doing to you. Put her in her place and tell her how would she feel if you were secretly talking to someone else and not telling her who it is? So it’s either you wear my shoes the same way you expect me to wear your s or get the Fuck out. Because I will not be disrespected in this relationship. She might pout and walk away and if she does? Let her go , her brain will eventually process

[Finchie40]

What you said to her and she will more than likely come back to you , if she doesn’t? You got your answer to move on from her selfish cheating ass

[Asker]

Great input!!! Very aggressive approach that’s hard to follow through with. Doing this feels like I'm giving her an ultimatum and I worry she will call my bluff and then everything will change. It's a bold move putting all the eggs in one basket so to speak, and gambling with the outcome. Being willing to let her go and hope she comes back is a very tough move to make. Thanks again!

[Finchie40]

I know it’s hard and a tough pill to swallow , but if you want a girl to stay honest and loyal to you , you have to put her in her place and make it clear to her that you are perfectly fine without her , you don’t have to be rude and disrespectful to her , just do not let her walk over you. Most girls’ hate insecure weak men , it’s how she was raised , and what she grew up to believe in , A girl does not feel safe with a guy that constantly kisses her ass , there is no challenge for her , girls’ need to feel challenged , she needs to feel her man will protect her and keep her in line , if he fails to do so? She will more than likely be drawn to another man that she feels is more masculine than you are. I been the other guy a handful of times with girls ‘ that were cheating on their husbands and boyfriends with me , and when I asked them why they did that? They all said because they don’t feel safe and protected and loved by their partner , there is no excitement , no passion , her emotional connection with him is no more because all he does is kiss my ass when it’s convenient for him , why so many girls cheat with bad boys , and open to to another guy that she feels is more masculine than her current partner is , Why it’s best for you to be both man. And not let her walk over you. Most girls’ love being told what to do from a guy she knows will not tolerate her shit. She wants to be the chaser , not the other way around

[Asker]

Once again another powerful take! Thanks again for the advise!

[dustybiker2]

Something triggered your gut here and you are probably not wrong. You've just gone about this the wrong way. Trust has been broken a little now. You could have just asked why she was on so early and wondered who she was talking to at that hour, as it unsettles you (in your own words) Now you've put her in a clammed up and defensive place. It could just be innocent. Difficult to undo.


I have mostly male friends. I chat with them at all hours. But I'm not shady about it. On the contrary I'm very open. And some of the things we say (because we have sense of humors) could really be taken the wrong way if snuck and read. Most of the time my family hears me laugh and wants to know the trigger because it made me happy. But they aren't up in my phone scrolling everything as they have lives of their own and they trust me.

[Asker]

Thank you very well said!

[dustybiker2]

Thank you back and you are welcome.

[Kelley1]

She is looking for an upgrade and when she is certain (her belief; not necessarily fact) she will pounce. However, every year her sexual market value decreases. Therefore, after three years of decreases in her sexual market value, it is impossible for her to find and upgrade. However, she can find upgrades that will f**k her and although they are all out of her reach, she may believe she can have a long-term relationship with some upgrade that f**ks her.

Since her (not your) sexual market value has significantly decreased during your three year relationship, she will not be able to find an upgrade. However, if she believes she has found an upgrade and pounces, you are not harmed because you can find an upgrade.

[Asker]

Interesting way of putting it. Thanks for responding

[Kelley1]

One thing many, perhaps most, women do is quickly find a boyfriend and immediately start looking for an upgrade. However, upgrades are not easy to find because usually her boyfriend is someone within her league. After a while, most women realize they are not going to find an upgrade so the stop looking.

[Asker]

Very interesting take, thank you for your insight.

[Purpleronnie]

All things considered when your in a committed relationship with a person or at least working towards it there is absolutely no justification in deliberately concealing who your exchanging messages with. Should the conversation be an innocent exchange between friends whether same or opposite sex then why hide? I simple don’t agree with the privacy argument it’s just an obvious diversion tactic. If they want privacy then they can have it in their “single” life.

[Asker]

Excellent point! Thank you for your imput!

[Anonymous]

Tell her she's right - she doesn't have to tell you but be aware that it reduces your faith and trust in her and therefore damages her relationship with you.

You might then ask yourself if she's building with you or just playing for time. You're not children.

[Asker]

Wow, very interesting angle! Thank you you for your point of view!

[Asker]

I want you to know that I re-read the responces and yours made a lot of sense. Thank again!

[PeachyPie93]

It's very suspicious because I bet if you were talking to someone else she would ask, since it is a normal thing to want to know, like even if it was just her mom. The fact she won't tell you and got mad about it screams she's up to no good. That is why I don't believe in the "My privacy" bullshit for phones, if you don't want to share what you are up to when we been together for 3 years, we don't need to be in this waste of time relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks for the responce. You make a strong point

[D_Bone_Steak]

Mind experiment dude... I've been fucking her the entire time for 3 years longer than you've known her. Use your imagination here... how do you feel about this betrayal?

Okay... I gave a totally fake scenario... but here is something you really have to deal with... there is some dude out there getting to say the shit I say and mean it. You're in a shit situation.

[Asker]

Very clever way of making your point. Thanks for the imput

[D_Bone_Steak]

NP. Hope you figure it out.

[Asker]

Thanks

[exitseven]

It is up-to her to decide whether she tells you or not but it is up to you if you want to continue the relationship. You are right though. It does sound fishy

[Asker]

Thanks for your feed back

[slatyb]

Stop looking at her screen, and if you do look, don't say anything about it. She doesn't have to tell you everything.

[Asker]

I'm not asking her to "tell me everything". Thanks for the responce

[DextroShade]

@slatyb you are a cuck.

[Asker]

Far from it but funny though

[slatyb]

@DextroShade LOL. I'm married to a beautiful woman who is always ready and willing, while you are still living with your mom.

[DishLady]

You’re too old not to be trusting your woman. Either trust her or leave her. Don’t play this weird game with the IM.

[Asker]

Thanks for your imput. I'm nt playing any games, she's the one that appears to be

[DishLady]

So then leave her.

[Asker]

Easier said than done

[DishLady]

That's up to you.

[Anonymous]

If you trust her then you should act like it. Making a profile to message her rather than simply asking about it was like unnecessarily confrontational, as if you wanted to relay that you caught her red-handed doing something wrong.

[Asker]

Well thanks for responding. However I don't agree with "unnecessarily confrontational," . By makeing MY profile I wasn't hiding. Also I was able to see when she was online which then I said good morning to her. There's no deining it by her. Why so early on the app? Who is she chatting with before she evens says good morning to me?

[Opinion Owner]

You confronted her on the app about knowing she was on it, which to me wasn’t necessary. She has a right to privacy without your suspicions and accusations, just as you have a right to what you use without her prying. You’re getting yourself all riled up rather than leaning into your trust and letting the evidence come to you if she were to be cheating, which I doubt.

[Asker]

I understand your postion. My issue isn't so much about who she's talking to everyday. It's about the time of the day on this app. Messaging someone very early in the morning before you talk with your boyfriend bothers me because she just won't come out and say who it is. If there's nothing to hide why act like there is?

[Opinion Owner]

You know apps can run in the background on your phone even when you aren’t using them, right? I’m not saying that’s for sure the case here, but reasonable doubt is just as fair as pointing a finger. It sounds like you don’t live together or maybe this is an LDR, and if that’s the case I do wonder if this is insecurity on your end since you can’t see what she’s doing. Now I could be wrong about that but if I’m right, then my advice is to be honest with yourself about whether or not this kind of relationship works for you. In an LDR you can’t afford to half-ass your trust, it’s either you do or you don’t and you must commit to one lane. Otherwise this relationship won’t work much longer.

[Asker]

Thanks for the responce. It is not LDR. And it wasn't running in background. I could see her online. And the only thing the app is used for is sending messages, pics, vidoes, etc. I am commited thats why it bothers me that she's on this app in the morning before she talks to me and won't say who it is. I dodn't think I am wrong to have concerns.

[Opinion Owner]

So you don’t trust her? You either do or you don’t, there’s no in between, no “I do but —“. Like I said, she probably would’ve told you who she was talking to if you hadn’t made a thing of it by confronting how you did. In any case if could be a friend or even friend group. You don’t know who’s on the other end. I just don’t think it’s worth further investigation if you do trust her. Truth always comes to light and the evidence, should there be any, will find it’s way to you. I think if you’re committed then that’s the best route, there’s nothing to work with here and to address it again would only stir the pot. I have no problem telling you if I felt you were right or should do something more, I’m here to be helpful. I just do see anything “wrong” or weird.

[Asker]

Thank you for the excellent responce! Good advise!

[Opinion Owner]

No problem dude. If she’s really worth it and you trust her, then try not to overthink this. Let something else happen with a bit more significance, then that would for sure be cause for concern. Good luck in your relationship, I hope she is indeed faithful ☺️

[Asker]

Thank you

[DextroShade]

Sorry bro, she is cheating and I think you know this already. Time to kick her to the curb because right now she is just using you for your time, attention, and resources while getting dicked down by another dude.

[Asker]

Thanks for your responce. Kinda hoping thats not the case

[Account]

Eh I am gonna be honest, it sounds sketchy as fuck to me.

[Asker]

I know

[HighValue]

She is likely a cheater like the majority of women that have social media.

[Asker]

Thanks for the responce

[OddBeMe]

This seems to be incidental of the real problem of lack of trust in your relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks for your opinion

[clampfan101]

We’re all entitled to our privacy, even in marriage. Unless you have evidence that she’s being untrustworthy or whatever, just let her do her thing.

[Asker]

thanks for responding. Not sure I agree with the anything goes attitude. Maybe the evidence is right there?

[clampfan101]

Trust is important in a relationship.

[Asker]

Agreed

[codytoe]

That sounds shady as fuck.

[Asker]

maybe

[LiamJHayden]

The trust is gone. Move on.

[Asker]

Easier said than done. Thanks for the imput

[red324]

Telegram? The money wiring company?

[Asker]

nice try lol

[In_Trance]

You posted this already