Am I wrong for breaking up with my boyfriend after finding out he did an, ''I'm broke, loyalty test'' on me?

[Anonymous]

He's upset and doesn't understand why I would still break up even after passing it. I hated being lied to. What's the point if there is no trust? I really thought he was in a real crisis and was going to help out, only to learn he was just testing me.

I haven't done any such tests on him. I just go by the normal flow in a relationship and communicate. I'm now wondering if he's capable of doing such test, what else would he test me on later on? That means there will never be trust, even if I were to pass another of his test. Am I wrong for breaking up though? Or was he the one in the wrong for ever testing me like that and lying about it?

[Lowly_Grump]

Your ex-boyfriend is as wrong as a penguin in a sauna, and his behavior is about as pleasant as a skunk at a garden party.

Loyalty tests are for the birds, my dear! Relationships are built on trust and open communication, not sneaky schemes and manipulative maneuvers. By pretending to be in a crisis, your ex displayed a level of deception that is as transparent as a toddler's lie about eating cookies before dinner. And his so-called "loyalty test" is about as sensible as wearing a snorkel to a business meeting.

You, my friend, deserve a partner who is as honest as the day is long, not someone who plays games and pulls pranks that belong in a kindergarten classroom. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and without it, you're left with a shaky structure that's bound to crumble like a sandcastle in a tsunami.

So, stand tall like a unicorn wearing glittery heels, and know that you made the right choice. Your ex may be upset, but that's his problem to deal with. You didn't do anything wrong, and you certainly don't need to explain yourself to someone who treated you like a lab rat in a trust experiment gone wrong.

You're worth more than a million loyalty tests, and anyone who doesn't recognize your value can take a hike up a mountain of shame and regret. Stay strong, my friend, and keep your chin up, even if it's covered in glitter from all the kindergarten craft projects life throws your way!

[Asker]

Well said indeed.

[OlderAndWiser]

I assume that you are looking for The One so that you can enter a permanent relationship. Obviously, he is not The One. Don't seek revenge because that just keeps you tethered to him longer. Instead, just tell him that in the process of testing you, he failed the real test because he demonstrated his willingness to lie to you. Tell him goodbye in unequivocal terms. Then block him on your phone, messenger, social media, whatever, and don't look back except to examine the situation to see of there are any lessons you can learn from the experience.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@OlderAndWiser You said it perfectly.

[Asker]

Yes I don't have patience nor time for these games. I thought the last time anyone ever did these games was in HS. What he did is what a teenager would do. Yes I'm looking for a permanent relationship and he's definitely not the day. Well said.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[AI Opinion]

Oh, darling, let's unpack this treasure trove of drama, shall we? First off, high-five to you for passing the "loyalty test" with flying colors! 🎉 But, oh, the plot thickens with the discovery of his little test, doesn't it? Love tests in relationships are like adding wasabi to a chocolate cake—it's just not the right mix, and honestly, who's craving that?

You're asking if you're wrong for wanting to break up? Absolutely not! Trust is the bedrock of any thriving relationship, and it sounds like he's been digging under that foundation with a bulldozer. If he's throwing loyalty tests your way now, what's next? A scavenger hunt to prove your devotion?

Communication is key, darling, and it seems like your ex-boyfriend missed that day in relationship class. You're in the clear here. Keep looking for someone who trusts you as you do them, without needing to set up trust falls around every corner. Life's too short for unnecessary drama. Keep your head high and your standards higher! 💕

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Shut up, Love Doctor Brad.

[Finchie40]

No you aren’t wrong , but ask yourself? Why did he feel the need to test you? Do you expect him to pay for everything? Do you put your hand out to him expecting him to give you money or to buy you things? Do you buy him things or pay for dates as well? He might assumed you possibly could be a gold digger , not all tests are bad in relationships, most girls’ do this type of shit as well when she is unsure about something in a relationship.

[Asker]

I would help out in some dates. He used to take turns so I fail to understand why he would test me to see if I was a golddigger but he himself failed his own test. He failed the life test of simply having honesty and trust in a relationship.

[Finchie40]

Understandable and again you aren’t wrong for your decision , he definitely sounds insecure and not trusting for whatever reason, it could stem down to the shit he reads off of social media or something else experienced with a previous girlfriend , that sadly a lot of people project those feelings onto their new partner thinking their new partner is going to be just like their ex or just like the shit they read and hear about. Sadly relationships are a lot harder these days , mainly because of all the nonsense and shit we hear and read about.. so the bottomline is if you can’t trust your partner? You shouldn’t be in a relationship with them period. Me personally no longer rushes into relationships with girls’ mainly for this reason. I prefer FWB’s with her first to give each other time to really get to know each other so we both don’t assume worst case scenarios, The only way I will be in a FWB’s relationship with a girl is if her and I are on the same page as things, we both agree to only have sex with each other but we are open to dating other people if we choose to , if we hook up with someone else? We end the benefits part between us and just remain friends , but the primary reason is for her and I to possibly choose each other for the long haul , most people jump right into relationships without looking at the big picture , they are just infatuated with each other but they don’t really know each other , FWB’s kind of eliminates the tension of being committed to someone right away , to give the both of you time to really get to know each other without having your hearts shit on , if it doesn’t work out.

[AviatorTom]

Come on, people don't break up over one thing. There must have been some other things that you didn't like about him, and this test was the one that pushed you over the top. Care to tell us what else you didn't like?

[Asker]

The only other thing I didn't like if his mother was sometimes disrespectful towards me and he would just stand there, wouldn't do nor say anything claiming that it's his mother and she'll one day warm up to me.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

If I cared for someone, and they did that to me, I would take a step back and reflect. My view is that he was immature to do that, but is he consistently immature and toying with you? Does he have a pattern, or was it a one-off? I don't know how old he is, but consider his age too, and if his immaturity is something that he'll grow out of, or if it's just the way he is.

Guys do stupid things (no offense to guys, women do too). For example, one guy thought it would be a great idea to dump ice cubes over his bride while she was in the shower (on their honeymoon). Newsflash: Not a great idea (no, the bride was not me).

But, breaking up is a big deal, and I feel like there is more going on here than just this one thing. If that's the case and there's been a buildup of "things", I 100% agree with considering ending it. But if you're relationship is so tenuous that one wrong move can end it, I don't know how solid it was to begin with. Don't put up with crap, but give yourself permission to make a rational decision, not just a reactionary one. Just something to think about...

[Asker]

Thank you but I feel this was a big deal for the lack of trust. He proceeded for a whole week of going with the lie about the how he was soon going to get evicted because the company where he works on will get shutdown and how someone stole his large investment, how he's very broke. I didn't break up because him being broke but because of lying like that.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Asker With those additional details, I think you did absolutely the right thing. I am sorry for how hurt you must be, that's devastating. But I do think you are well rid of him, and what a horrible thing to do to someone. I am so sorry that happened to you.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Asker *he did the horrible thing to you.

[normalice]

Well, I would say his distrust is a personality trait and due to wounds that have nothing to do with you. You're just in its range. If you approach it as that angle, as though you were helping him heal, you could grow together. But if that seems like a frustrating, tiresome, or otherwise disappointing life it's time to pack up.

But keep in mind the healing doesn't need to be on his terms. You can bully him in ways that will expedite his healing. Or perhaps discipline is a better word than bullying. Any tools availible to a woman can be used for this. It is only a matter of figuring out how to use your favorite one.

[Asker]

I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me. He kept that lie for a whole week. That's bad.

[normalice]

You can help him trust you. Or not. It will be work and you do not owe that work to him, as it is not because of you that he distrusts you. But if you take it up, focusing on making sure he understands you are trustworthy is the wrong approach. Don't as why the addiction ask why the pain.

[Asker]

If he needs help trusting a girlfriend, he can go talk to a therapist. They can do all that job. I can't. That would be additional work and more time spend I'm not willing to do.

[normalice]

Then I believe you know what the next step must be. You can give him an ultimatum if you want but otherwise it is time to go.

[Asker]

I'm moving on, taking a short breaking and will be much more selective on the dating process. My time is valuable to me and the more drama games and these tests, the more time wasted.

[BetaBucks]

Trust isn't some magic binary. People use that played out "if you can't trust me" line all the time, but literally no one has blanket trust in their SO. That being said, this seems like a petty way to test trust, and it either means you're so shady that he had to resort to it, or he's so unsure of reality that he has to do this. Either way, you two probably aren't going to work out. Move on. Don't feel bad. He'll find another.

[Asker]

He can find another and I'll be finding another mature, man... not a manchild that does these pathetic tests.

[BetaBucks]

Very best of luck to you

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong for breaking up with your boyfriend. Trust is a fundamental element of a healthy relationship, and his actions show a lack of trust and respect for you. His manipulative behavior is a red flag, and you are right to be concerned about future tests or mind games.

Here are some additional points to consider:

Communication is key: A healthy relationship is built on open and honest communication. If your boyfriend had any doubts about your loyalty, he should have communicated them directly instead of resorting to a manipulative test.

Trustworthiness: His actions have damaged the trust between you. Can you rebuild trust in the relationship? If you decide to give him another chance, it's important to have a serious conversation about honesty and trust.

[Asker]

Exactly if I'm not ok with something then I communicate about it. Why do some people resort to these types of test when everything can be so simply by communicating if you have any issues.

[Opinion Owner]

People resort to manipulative tests in relationships for a variety of reasons, often stemming from insecurity or a lack of healthy communication skills.

They might be:

Seeking validation: They may be insecure about their worth in the relationship and use tests to reassure themselves that their partner is loyal and committed.

Fearing rejection: They might have a fear of intimacy or commitment and use tests to push their partner away before they get too close.

Controlling the relationship: They might be trying to control the dynamic of the relationship by keeping their partner off-balance and unsure of their footing.

However, as you rightly pointed out, communication is always the best course of action in a relationship. It allows partners to express their feelings and needs in a healthy way and work together to find solutions.

[Fireguy17]

I never let on what I had when dating.
That way it would help to know did they like me for me, or for what I had.
On dates I would use my pickup.
It was clean, not fancy, just a basic truck.
Most were fine with that, others not so much.
It was their loss.
We would meet at medium priced places, if things progressed go back to her place.
Once I was fairly sure of how she seemed, then I would start to let on more of what I had.
For me that worked out we.
I could tell after a bit what their intentions were and their attitude was.

[Kaneki05]

Depends what you mean by test.
You said 'I'm Broke' I am assuming this means he lied to get money right? That to me would be a bad intention, as no one owes another money it's nice if one's willing to give it but it's never owed like that.
When asked that whether you say yes or no shouldn't change his mind about you.

But if it's a test on something you do owe them as a friend or partner then I see it as no problem and only helps build that trust.
Personally myself I always make a story up and tell them not to tell anyone else this. If they don't it's never an issue. If they do it is.
I've been stabbed in the back enough times to know it's the smart choice and it's a pointless story that stands to gain nothing, but knowing you can trust them with more stuff.
They could also tell me something in confidence back to make it like a nuke if they want, you backstab me I'll backstab you but I feel like a made up story actually causes less problems than that.

[Asker]

He lied for a whole week about how the company he works will be shutdown, that he's going to be evicted soon and he's broke. I consider that breaking trust in a relationship. I thought adults communicated with each other, not play ''testing loyalty'' games like teens in HS.

[Unit1]

As much as I love seeing a girl fiercely upholding loyalty right in front of whoever flashes at her with his Lamborghini, Ferrari or Bugatti, being on the receiving end of it isn't a pleasant position to be in. I have mixed feelings about this understanding it from both perspectives.

[Asker]

What is on the exit door?

[Unit1]

A green exit sign

[RingOfFire]

Nah he's not wrong. There's a lot of gold digging women out there. I do the same thing every time I get into a new relationship. I never take her to my house, Have an older car that I use to go out on the dates. And don't overdo it on the spending when I'm with her. After a while I add a little more into the mix until I really trust her and then let her come over to my house. I just don't want them to know my wealth status until the relationship reaches a certain point because you can never be sure what she's after.

[Asker]

If I have to go through all these tests, I'm out. I ain't got patience nor time to convince anyone what I'm not. Without communication and trust in a relationship, there is nothing.

[Asker]

Lying for a whole week, making me believe he was in a real need (and I was going to help out), when it was just to test me is a breach of trust.

[EmyyWolf]

What an idiot, your boyfriend is
he's probably listening to some dating coach. Alpha Male Podcast. A bald male with microphones podcast 🤡

bet you that’s why he did it 🫵

Good job breaking up with that imbecile.

[Asker]

Exactly

[abc3643]

No, not at all.
The moment you test a partner is the moment your partner becomes your ex-partner.
I should have taken my own advice 25 years ago and didn't and now I am paying the price.

Good for you.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yeah exactly.

[LiamJHayden]

Yes, that is the danger of a sh*t test. I've had girls demand to check my phone. I let them, then immediately dump them after they find nothing because I won't be with someone who does not trust me.

[Asker]

I'm glad to hear you dumped them. Yeah if there is no communication nor trust in the relationship then there is nothing.

[Serkee]

I think you're right for breaking up with him for that. In lying to you about a serious crisis just as some trust test, he broke YOUR trust. How can you trust him to be telling the truth when a real crisis comes up? Maybe he'll learn from this mistake and not cry wolf with his next girlfriend.

[Lliam]

Right here. 👍

[Asker]

Exactly. I don't have time for games.

[Twalli]

If he is rich and you started dating him knowing this, it's a concern for him. Extremely rich guys find their wealth a problem for them dating. They can't be sure that girls are interested in them or their lifestyle. In some cases it's obvious, like Melania was not interested in Trump, but the lifestyle he could provide. However, some guys want a girl who is interested in them, not the lifestyle their money provides. Mark Zuckerberg could have probably married a supermodel. However, the marriage would be based on the lifestyle, not love. His wife isn't a supermodel, and while she obviously benefits from his wealth, it's probable that she chose him for him and not his money.

[Asker]

No, he's not rich. We're both average hard, workers.

[Twalli]

Okay, that's weird, clearly money wasn't something you considered in relation to dating him.

[Aubrey97]

You're most likely right. He lied and this particular lie shows immaturity and insecurity on his part, not to mention he apparently doesn't trust you either. He needs to grow up.

[Asker]

Yes indeed and I don't need that in my life. I thought I was dating an honest, responsible adult. Apparently not.

[blueonblack22]

Although I know where he’s coming from (there are a lot of free loading women out there) it’s his job to screen for that bs early in the dating process not shit test for it later.

You did the right thing. More men should do this to women who pull very unfair shit tests on them too.

[Asker]

yeah I think this tests are for teens in HS. I thought I was with a grown, man. Apparently not.

[LordMadara]

some men have mastery of female pyschology 🤷🏽‍♂️

testing in relationships is a feminine trait that was developed by women to stall progression to sexual intimacy 🙄🤦🏼‍♂️ etc etc. . .

if such skills are in the hands of a male figure 😈

Yikes . . .

[Asker]

I think lying for a whole week about having financial crisis and close to being evicted is terrible for any gender to do.

[LordMadara]

we learnt from women ☹️

[Lliam]

He wanted to test your integrity but demonstrated complete lack of integrity, himself, by lying to your face and fucking with your head.

How could you ever trust him again?

I would tell him "I loved you for who you were until I found out that you were a dishonest deceptive, distrustful manipulator. Good luck with your next girlfriend."

[Asker]

Exactly. He failed his own test. I have no time for a liar and can't continue a relationship without trust.

[DishLady]

Couples do tend to test each other’s limits and honesty A LITTLE at the start — sort of like the National Geographic’s lion cub/bear cub video clips. It’s supposed to be 1/2 serious, 1/2 playful, decreasing exponentially as you gain each other’s trust. It’s just how we’re wired.


What you’re describing is a bit much, however also considering the guy’s perspective, he probably has had gold diggers chase him a lot, so….

[Asker]

He lied for a whole week about the company he works on getting ready to shutdown, how he's broke suddenly and getting closed to be evicted. I can't be with someone that would play games like that and if there is no trust in the relationship, there is nothing.

[DishLady]

So then don’t tolerate what you don’t think is acceptable. Leave the guy. Don’t stay with him and fill your days with crappy arguments and negativity.