Is resentment the silent relationship killer?

[Anonymous]

Infidelity, dishonesty, disrespect, lack of communication these are some of the more obvious killers of a relationship. But what about resentment? It might seem harmless at first but it builds silently over time, creating a rift in intimacy all while gradually poisoning the relationship.

I know of couples who have agreed to move on from betrayal but one party is still holding on onto some unresolved resentment all while acting as if all has been forgiven. Holding grudges usually leads to passive aggressive behavior and the root cause is most likely unresolved pain.

But how exactly do you fully let go of resentment? How do you find it in you to fully forgive and move on with the relationship so that you don’t let resentment get the best of you?

[DrPepper12]

This might sound a little strange but it's absolutely true. Whenever young teachers came on to the faculty I gave them unsolicited advice to marry another teacher or a fireman or a cop someone with irregular hours. I've seen a lot of couples where one is a teacher and the other isn't and the resentment between the two gets completely out of hand during the summer. The spouse who is a teacher resents the spouse going to work because she's stuck at home trying to entertain all the kids and that's becoming increasingly common because if you looked at the price of camps it's completely unaffordable. So one spouse is ready for the looney then after spending 12 hours every day with the kids. The spouse that goes to work is resentful that they don't get to spend the summer with the family and they have to go to work. Its an ugly situation and has caused more than one divorce.

[Asker]

Yeppp there it is. I’ve seen it happen multiple times, it brews up slowly but it can be the end all be all

[Anonymous]

Being COMPLETELY honest with the other person. I mean, it doesn't guarantee success. But it's the best chance at success. Resentment typically stems from little slights felt from as you said "unresolved feelings." You need to get ahead of problems before they grow. And this goes for BOTH genders. But the only way this can happen is if BOTH genders communicate openly and honestly. Your partners feelings are ALWAYS valid. That doesn't mean your partners feelings are always correct, just valid.

[Asker]

Very well said, especially when you said that all feelings aren’t always correct but they’re always valid 👏🏻

[DishLady]

It's also the not-so-silent relationship killer. Folks who don't know how to respond to things properly or how to interpret their SO without existing insecurities from past relationships end up lashing out, hiding important details about themselves, etc. etc. etc. You have to watch out bc resentment is an ENORMOUS red flag... it can lead to violent and abusive treatment, etc.

[Asker]

Great point. Sometimes people build up so much resentments from their past that it spills over to their present/future

[DishLady]

Exactly.

[AmandaYVR]

I've heard from psychologists and relationship counselors that contempt is. But yeah, resentment could slot in at number two.

How? Too hard to answer. One must just decide to.

[Asker]

Oh you’re right, contempt is probably worse…

[AI Opinion]

Ah, you've hit the nail on the head! Resentment really is like that silent ninja, sneaking around and doing its damage before you even realize what's happening. It's the kind of emotion that creeps up on you, all while you're busy looking out for those big, obvious relationship monsters like infidelity or lies. And before you know it, bam! It's there, driving a wedge between you and your partner.

Letting go of resentment? Now, that's a mix of art and science, with a dash of magic. It starts with communication, darling. You've got to talk about the pain, the why and the how, with your partner. It might feel like opening old wounds, but trust me, it's the first step to cleaning out that festering emotional wound.

Forgiveness is next, but remember, it's not just about saying the words; it's about truly feeling them in your heart. And sometimes, that requires a little bit of self-reflection and maybe even professional guidance. A relationship coach or therapist can help you navigate these rough waters.

And don't forget, both of you need to work on rebuilding trust and intimacy. It's like doing a romantic dance, where both partners need to be in sync, listening to the same love song.

So, my love, embrace the journey of healing and forgiveness. It's not always easy, but oh, is it worth it! Keep the conversation going, practice empathy, and sprinkle a little bit of that forgiving fairy dust on your relationship. And just like that, you'll see the magic happening. 💖

[EmisElite]

Resentment can indeed be a silent relationship killer. It's important to address any feelings of resentment openly and honestly with your partner. Communication is key in resolving issues before they escalate. Consider seeking couples counseling to work through any lingering resentment in a supportive and caring environment. Remember, prioritizing understanding, empathy, and open dialogue can help strengthen your relationship and prevent resentment from taking hold.

[Asker]

Very great advice right here, thanks so much for sharing your wisdom!

[Emmytexrex]

Yes it is I can never do that I like having an open communication and telling you what is making me angry and we work it out I can forgive but it takes me little time to forget cause I will need to see if you are working on what we discussed and willing to change before I can forget about it totally

[Asker]

I can definitely relate. Like you, I also find it easy to forgive but to forget it’s a whole different story lol

[waterliliestxt]

10000000%. Resentment in any situation is a resentment killer. It’s the same as guilt the longer it festers the more it grows until it becomes the only thing on your mind

[Asker]

Yeah… it’s usually already too late when you finally realize what you’ve been harboring inside your heart/mind tho

[waterliliestxt]

Yeah it really is, the best thing you can do is act when you know

[ariadneR]

It can be. I'm actually talking to my therapist about a lot of pent up resentment that I have towards my family. It's helping a lot

[Asker]

That’s awesome to hear that you’re working on it, best of luck to you!! xx

[Anonymous]

The silent relationship killer. It's not resentment! It's incompatiblness and irreconcilable differences. Resentment is just a feeling in the pot of the two.

[Asker]

That’s also true, great point!

[Anonymous]

yep and it's bad and hard to come back from once you resent someone.

[Asker]

That’s true… I do believe that we can choose to actively stop resenting them even further if we really try tho. Just not sure if we can really ever fully get rid of the resentment

[Anonymous]

Resentment and envy are two of the most toxic human emotions. They destroy the person who has them.

[Asker]

Do you think envy is a result of resentment or vice versa? They kinda go hand in hand sometimes

[Opinion Owner]

They can certainly be related for sure.

[avery58]

Yes, it's something that's hard to get rid of

[Cutegirl06]

If it isn't, it's definitely the top 3 reasons

[Asker]

What would you say the other top 2 are?

[Cutegirl06]

I'd say not being loyal and not being honest with the other person.

[Asker]

Oh for sure, if you can’t be loyal why be in a relationship at all… sadly a lot of people just don’t posses common sense

[ProbablyClueless]

It's certainly a huge problem

[Asker]

It sure is

[jahaims]

Not communicating kills relationships

[Asker]

This is also very true. I kinda feel like a lot of times resentment happens as a result of not openly communicating tho

[DreamLife7]

Dude move on, lol obviously they don't like u