Do Relationship Breaks Work?

[mrsnotright]

So myself , 30/F, and my partner, 28/M, have been together for 4 years and engaged for 2 (he proposed). We live together basically since day one (Covid circumstances made it that way) and we haven’t been apart for long days in a row since. We are the old story of “opposite sides attract”, we are very different people. And it has caused some issues before but lately it’s more and more. It got to a point where he started acting weird and cold. Hence I asked him what was wrong and he simple said that he was losing interest, not just on me but everything else in his life. That he didn’t know if he loved me as his fiancée or just as a friend, but he knew he had strong feelings towards me. He also said that at some point it occurred to him that he may be with me due to not being alone, so he wasn’t sure what to do. I gave the idea of us being on a break to try to figure out. But I feel like I’ve made the wrong decision on that. I feel like this break is only avoiding the inevitable, and it’s been hard to cope. I need any advice on how to go forward as my stubborn head can’t get anything through. Thank you. Ps: he did cheat on me once, over 2 years ago yet I forgave him and he was the one who told me hours after it. I’ve profusely asked him if there was anyone else and he has denied it saying he needs peace and quiet and not someone else that’d cause drama.

[Finchie40]

You are best to move on , especially if you both don’t really have much in common and not really on the same page with a lot of things. The fact that he cheated on you should have been your answer right there to let him go. But no need to explain why you gave him another chance? , because sometimes people can work things out after cheating took place , it’s just a long shot , if it does work out The fact that the 2 of you got to this point of wanting a break from each other , is your answer to continue walking away and focusing on yourself , because if he truly loved you and cared about you , he wouldn’t need a break from you period, Space sadly isn’t a good thing in relationships period , because people that love each other , don’t need that much space from each other , meaning they won’t disappear for days or weeks at a time , they would walk into another room and take space there because they still respect and value their relationship with you but when a partner leaves and disappears , that right there shows they truly don’t value you or care about you , they only care about themselves and only want what is best for themselves , so h e is more than likely going to cheat on you again , so you are best to just walk away and not look back

[hahahmm]

My advice is to move on because:

1.) He doesn't actually want to marry you. Just because someone is happy being around you or sleeping with you does not mean they are really interested in marriage. I think he asked you to marry him around the time of the cheating episode to try and keep you happy/hooked. I could be wrong tho... maybe he genuinely thought he wanted to marry you then BUT now he's over it.

2.) You are just stringing yourself along at this point if he told you he could just be friends instead of married. No guy is going to say that to a woman he seriously wants to marry. And if he doesn't want to marry you what is the point of this relationship? It's reached the end of the road. It was great at first, I'm sure. Lots of fun & you first hit the "serious relationship" part of the road... then the "fiance" part... you were headed towards that Olympic Gold medal of relationship statuses but then the car broke down. Sure, some people are content being JUST a girlfriend for 50 years but you're not one of those people, right? It's not like you can be engaged forever. At some point people will just think you're pathetic.

2b.) You are approaching 35. When you hit 35ish it will become harder to even get a guy interested in taking you seriously and the difficulty will increase. Your competition is all of the women younger than yourself and men are very visual (when meeting someone new for sure). This is reality that a lot of women want to deny/ignore. The clock is ticking. You don't have years to play around here. If you make the wrong choice it's going to make your life more difficult.

3.) He said he'd be okay just being friends. That is like he took a sword and stabbed you in the heart. Or that's how you should take it. You are settling for crumbs on the floor with this guy. You can do way better, I think. Assuming you have some kind of good personality traits/character.

[hahahmm]

But back to "do relationship breaks work?" The only time that worked for me is because she wanted me badly but I had a problem with some of her life choices. I told her it's over until she fixes that and if she didn't fix that before I found somebody else, tough luck. She (the other person in the relationship) wasn't the one with doubts about us being together. In your case, he has doubts and you have less doubts. It won't work.

[FreyaRed]

"Do Relationship Breaks Work? "
There is some short "I've missed him/her" effect after separation but things turns back instantly when you both come together again.

"I feel like this break is only avoiding the inevitable, and it’s been hard to cope."
This is right conclusion.

" But I feel like I’ve made the wrong decision on that "
No, I'm sure it didn't worse condition of your relationship with this guy. You just seek some solution for something that you want to keep alive, but you know it dies. This is human nature of pointless hope.

"Ps: he did cheat on me once, over 2 years ago yet I forgave him and he was the one who told me hours after it."
When you forgive you have to accept, his cheating will always remain in your back head and will always affect any emotional impulse related to him, which will always influence your rational thinking a bit.

I know the feeling when love dies. It's like slow death of a cancer patient. I've made the mistake and waited until natural end but instead I could betray my ex and giving this slow creeping death a mercy head shot. Short, fast, brutal and painless.

[curiousmandy]

In this case I don’t think a break will help. He ‘lost interest’ and cheated on you! That is really hard to come back from, I know I would have a really difficult time trusting him again.


But I hope I’m wrong and you both can rekindle things and become stronger than ever. Big hugs girl!!

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, the concept of taking a relationship break—it's like trying a new dance move in the middle of a tightly choreographed routine. Tricky, but not impossible! It sounds to me like you both dove deep into the pool of commitment quickly, thanks to the whirlwind that was Covid, and now, the waters seem a bit murky. The thing about breaks is they can serve as a powerful pause button, giving each partner space to reflect on what they really want and need, not just from their partner but from life in general.

Your partner’s admission of feeling lost not only in your relationship but in life signifies a deeper issue that might benefit from personal reflection or professional help. The fact that he cheated in the past and is now expressing doubts about his feelings might suggest a pattern of avoidance when faced with emotional discomfort or dissatisfaction.

However, love, that doesn't mean all hope is lost! Here are some steps to consider:

1. **Define the Break:** What are the rules? Is there communication? What’s the goal? Without clear boundaries, a break can turn into an emotional rollercoaster.

2. **Use This Time Wisely:** Reflect on what you truly want and need. Sometimes, being apart can bring clarity. Do you miss him? Do you feel relieved? This could guide your next steps.

3. **Seek Personal Growth:** This could be a golden opportunity to focus on yourself. Dive into a new hobby, spend time with friends, or work on personal goals you've been putting off.

4. **Communicate, Communicate, Communicate:** Once you've both had some space, come back together to share your insights. Honesty will be your best policy here.

5. **Consider Professional Support:** Relationship counseling could be beneficial, providing a neutral ground to explore your feelings and concerns.

Remember, a break can either be a stepping stone towards a stronger relationship or a gentle closure that allows both parties to move on gracefully. It’s not avoiding the inevitable but rather confronting it with space, reflection, and hopefully, renewed clarity.

Sending you positive vibes and the strength to navigate through this. Remember, it's all about finding your rhythm again, whether together or apart. 🌟

[OlderAndWiser]

Most often, a break is what people suggest when they really want a complete break up but they aren't being honest with themselves about their intentions. If you've been together for four years, you should both be honest with each other.

[lightbulb27]

It can, we broke up and are married now. It can fail and mean full split. ... and most likely, will just be avoidance of any meaningful change. Running out to others to "feel good again"... is probable.

So have to ask the purpose

you already hit the nail on the head and bent it with what you said the problems are. The question is if you two like each other, being around each other... and can choose to love each other.

... the stress is and can be maintained in a good place with communication, understanding, love

... values are in line... to reduce stress

... directionionally going same way (priorities in life, goals) or willing to commit to that adventure... for life is no guarantee

If all that's in place, then is ok and need to work on selfs to love, accept, commit, understand each other, communicate.

otherwise, find someone more compatible.

The underlying emotional driver of attraction is relevent... in my view... why did you attract and is it good... for your growth? Or is it supporting old childhood wounds?

opposities... is harder. But noone gonna be perfect. "Meshing"... mutually supporting is good, when other complements who you are, should be easier... less stress, more fun.

Does "it" work... question is... discovery of self, greater view what is going on... can you handle each other... do you like the other? Ignoring everything and just "taking a breather"... will result in same problems... wasted time or split.

this situation is more "normal" than you'd think...

[MisterWack]

Well either the couple comes back stronger than they once were or the individual feels things should go in a different direction and that person they once believed to be their forever partner turned out to be what they weren’t hoping for… Either ends in strengthening the relationship or a breakup, simple as that. Taking a break works to let you focus on yourself and build who you are up without that extra support from your partner. Whatever the outcome is, it is up for the couple to find out and in that sense it works.

[imtiaz45]

Relationship breaks can work, but their success depends on clear communication, defined goals, and mutual agreement on boundaries. They offer time for personal reflection and a chance to address individual issues, potentially strengthening the relationship. However, breaks can also lead to increased distance and unresolved problems if not handled carefully. It's crucial for both partners to discuss the purpose of the break, set a specific timeframe, and stay committed to addressing the underlying issues. If both parties are dedicated to growth and understanding, a break can be beneficial, but it requires effort and honesty from both sides.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KtA4D-fgCjU

[HawkPerception]

Relationship breaks are not likely to work. Relationships are either you're fully in or you're fully out. It's about finding someone that you can potentially spend the rest of your life with. If you ever take a break, it usually implies there's some aspect of them that doesn't make you feel like that can work.

If you need space to "find out what you want" don't expect what you want to be long gone and already happy without you when you come back to them. Life is about being decisive. Do you feel happy with them or not?

[Dongie]

Well, like I always say, your not an adult until you're hitting thirty- 31ish. Girls a year or two earlier usually. You have your early and late bloomers. I'd say he's reaching that point but the cheating is very disconcerting. I've always heard once a Chester always cheater. I know it was for a friend of mine I grew up with. He thought nothing of cheating on his girlfriends even one he was living with as an adult. He did it all the time. Now he got married later in life. Nearly forty and I wasn't around so I don't know if he did with her. But if he got the chance I'd take odds he did. They split up a bit before he died I heard.

[sheikalana]

Every time I see a couple taking a break they never got back together for a long period of time. Couples tend to break up after a break. Taking a break for a few weeks or even a month is not enough time to fix your relationship. When it comes to that point is best to break up.

[Anonymous]

He sounds depressed. But he also wants peace and quiet, presumably from you. Opposites attract can work provided there's a strong commonality to bind you. And you both understand the rules.

But I'd guess he wants out. No kids, no marriage.

What is a break? Better to just end the relationship. If you both feel differently in months to come then so be it.

[Darkchild25]

You cannot be with someone for 4 years and not know if they are the one or not. He's already cheated.
I would move on and be with someone who is prepared to work at being in a relationship with you.

[molonski2]

They work if breaking up is the goal , they never work if remaining together is what you are after.

[adam6402]

In my opinion, if you feel like you have to take a break from a relationship, it's because it's broken.

[WhitneySnow]

I believe him


Sometimes they do work. Give your boyfriend space and also take the time to focus on yourself instead of your relationship.

[DishLady]

Um… no… you’re either all in or all out. The wishy washy noncommittal stuff never works.

[Anonymous]

No. If she wants a break I'll tell her to take a lifetime break. Because if we can't work through whatever it is to the point she needs to leave then she can keep right on walking.

[exitseven]

No it usually means one person has another person already lined up

[DrPepper12]

Make it a clean ending. I'm not getting a Mr right vibe.

[Twalli]

Taking some time apart can be very good for a relationship. Not broken up but not physically together.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't want you. You've been with him 4 years like a dummy yet no wedding lol you're not the one.

[LiamJHayden]

I consider a "break" an end and I will not be revisiting that relationship.

[MK1997]

For some it doesn't and for some it does