Should couples have access to each other's phones?

[gayesblog]

I'd like to see your opinions and the dynamics of your relationship..

[bobalife]

This has always been a controversial, I don’t think it is quite easy for most as it’s not very black and white. Some may feel like it is invading their rights to their privacy. Others may be more open to their person having access to their phones.
I believe it is healthy that everyone has their own space in whatever that may look like including your mobile. Personally I was always open in the past to have my old partners to looked at my mobile if they like, but they actually never touched it. I think it was more so they have watched what I do or who am I talking to on my phone. Of course, I have nothing to hide and want to build on trust and an open space. So, I do talk about it without a doubt and welcome it than be defensive and weirded. I think I would only feel weirded out depending on the approach. It was the same thing for my previous partners. I think our intention was to build openness, trust, and reassurance in that way. There is also a comfort where it is just comes out naturally. I can see how it can become a trust issue by how someone may respond and if it is excessively. Though I also do find it weird if your partner tries to hide their mobile while you are next to them, it is sus if there’s nothing to worry. I think everyone will react to this differently. I have friends who are opened about it with their partners and they’re still in healthy, happy marriages/relationships today. I also think it is okay to take a peek if you are sus that you may be experiencing being cheated on and most of the time that gut feeling happened to be right.

[jazzyjic78]

If they agree to that it's ok, relationship's should be based off of trust and searching your partners phone means you don't trust them. You should always be confident, sure, and real within yourself & honest with your mate

I don't believe in that because if you look for trouble you'll find it, accusing someone of something makes them go do it. Going through your partners phone open the door of him knowing your insecurities. I think it makes some guys laugh like oh she's jealous, insecure, and intimidated by another woman.

And calling another woman by phone, in da streets, in any form let's her know if she's a real woman that she has the upper hand and your not doing your part so it makes it easier for her to take over, take your Man completely. I speak from experience, when another woman called me asking why is your #in my Man's phone?

I took pride and joy in that conversation and experience because it told me I'm on his mind and she knows someone is taking him away from her, she feels distance, meaning I hold his heart but she has his body and mind. And the mind plays tricks on you but the heart belongs to God and cannot lie!

Trust your partner or set some boundaries to having an open relationship.

[snowboarder720]

My wife and I know each others passwords to our phones.
It wasn’t because I asked or anything. I actually fix phones on the side (repair screens, replacing the battery, swapping motherboards, etc) and constantly updating my wife phone because the auto update sometimes needs her permission to do it first. So basically I’m the tech specialist for my wife and the rest of her family. I have a bachelor’s in electrical engineering too. It’s literally my passion and because people know I have an engineering degree they suddenly think I know everything about phones (I really don’t). I also hid this passion as much as possible because when you fix one thing for someone they suddenly want me to have a look at their car and shit. Everyone thinks I’m just their free handy man. Haha it can be a real struggle.
Anyway I gave my phone’s password to my wife so that she’s able to send texts to my family or friends while I’m driving and checking my notifications.


I before I got married I was taking these free online courses to develop apps. I thought it would be way dope to code some of that stuff and be an app developer on the side. That’s literally a whole different career of its own that takes waaaay too much time. More than I have to sacrifice.


Advise to any single guys, learn to repair phones. Soooo many single women need their phone screens replaced that it’s not even funny. Easy way to strike up a conversation that can lead up to getting their number.

[snowboarder720]

Props to the QA, I find this topic way interesting.

[Blueeyes81]

If it's a requirement that you see my phone it is a red flag.

If you go out of your way to hide your activity that is a red flag.

I want neither person in my life.

For me I don't really care if they have access to my phone. I do care if they want access because they have trust issues. They shit is annoying and they will never be happy unless they can constantly check up on you. Fuck that. I'm not a child. I'd say most healthy adults don't have an issue with it and they also don't abuse it because of insecurities.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic debate of sharing or not sharing phone access in relationships! It’s akin to sharing the last slice of pizza—some do it out of love, while others can't bear the thought. In my cozy corner with my significant other, we've sailed through the sea of trust, where giving each other access to our phones isn't really about the permission itself but about transparency and trust.

From observing the tides in many relationships, the key here is not the act of sharing passwords or phone access but what it signifies. If it's about control or lack of trust, it’s like a red flag flying high on a stormy day. If it’s born from an understanding and mutual respect, where privacy is still valued but transparency is welcomed, it’s like lovebombing each other with trust.

So, in the grand scheme of love and trust, my take is: share not because you have to, but because you want to, ensuring it feels right for both. After all, a relationship nurtured on respect and trust is like a well-aged wine, only getting better with time. 🍷💑

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

When I was in a relationship I have often thought If something were to happen to me, I’d like my then partner to be able to get ahold of my phone and he was the person I trusted wholeheartedly and had nothing to hide from.

So… I kind of thought he was my closest person in the world and because of that, I trusted him with my phone even though he has never asked.

[snowboarder720]

I often thought of the same thing. If something bad were to happen to me I’d like my significant other to send an update to my closest friends and family through a simple social media update and not doing it any other way to relive the experience of breaking the news to others.
Lol it’s definitely thinking the worst case scenario but I find it considerate.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I did when I was married, and so did he. It was more a case of "if something happens to one of us" than a lack of trust. We would share phones, but that's different than snooping around. Snooping around a SO's phone without reasonable concern screams "insecure".

I find it interesting when people are sensitive about sharing the information; like, why are they so against letting someone who they are married to (or serious about/engaged to) see what they're doing? If it's a privacy concern with a work-related thing (i. e. a patient or a client) or a surprise, that makes sense. I see it like this:

Private : A specifically designated space for a clearly communicated reason. I. e., Work phone, for legal reasons.

Secret : A general no-go zone with a vague explanation, which generates hypersensitivity and anger without apparent cause.

I think it's one of those things where it should be an available permission, but a respected one. Like sharing each other's cars.

Just my perspective.

[lightbulb27]

Yes should be open but not perused so much. Trust, but verify. Provide security so it isn't a problem... by talking opening about how you are engagin with others.

You need to anyways. How about all those passwords, log in accounts, bank accounts, financials, debts, car registrations, the house deed, etc.. something happens to the other and you need to take over... whom do you communicate with. It's a total mess and you gotta have their password to sort through stuff. Welcome to the intertwined world.

I know people that live separate lives and don't know how they do it. when a problem occurs seems to me it will be a mess with much lost.

[RebelinSteel]

Nope, that would for a lot of people (those working) break their companies security policies.
for my mobile, only I have access to it and no one else.

Also for some of my WhatsApp groups, messages, the other person sending them would be pissed off with me sharing their private information with someone else. Even when in a relationship you still have personal stuff with friends as private,

trying to put in explanations about what they can and cannot read would be crazy and also wrongly cause a level of mistrust.

[RebelinSteel]

With those saying they will share and No Secrets.

Are you happy your friends sharing your secrets with their boyfriend / Girlfriend?

[Nikki1989]

Are you really that insecure?

[RebelinSteel]

@Nikki1989 nope. But if I am told something in confidence, then why should someone I am dating have the right to read a friends text sent in confidence?
Possibly different being married.

If you discussed something personal with a friend, would you be okay her sharing that with her then boyfriend?
I don’t trust a person enough not to have them prove it by showing the contents of their mobile if I asked them.
It’s not about my information it’s about possibly breaking the trust of friends by sharing everything.

[RebelinSteel]

If I’m dating someone I trust them, I don’t need to check on their mobile messages just to make sure.

[HaleyWalker]

I question this only for one reason I was watching something before school one time and then handed it to my friend and forgot to close the screen my phone got thrown back at me. Lol it depends if that happens again my phone is not meant to fly through the air. The joys of being bisexual and then your friend finds out that way. 💀

If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't care then like go for it my phone is very empty. Lol

[snowboarder720]

lol wow. What a simplistic Home Screen.

[snowboarder720]

The only online shopping app you use is Amazon and DoorDash, that’s too funny 😂

[HaleyWalker]

XD 𓁹‿𓁹 nobody can live without doordash

[Friendlybro79]

When in a relationship if she asks to look something up on my phone because she doesn't have hers... I'll give you my PW go for it.

I would expect that my SO can be trusted to have access to my stuff without snooping in my messages. Even though I don't have anything to hide, reading my messages means you don't trust me and I don't like being treated like an untrustworthy person.

If you question my loyalty or honesty, and demand to see my phone, you can see it but you will also be seeing the door right afterwards.

[Altheavas]

If there’s trust and honesty between us I don’t care. You can answer it, even reply to my textes; I just want to be able to do the same. That’s my personal phone, if there’s a work phone and there’s strict confidentiality I’m gonna have to abide by that rule, for the security of all of us/my family.

[Aubrey97]

I don't have a passcode on mine. He can look through it whenever. He has one but I know it. We both use each other's all the time. If you have nothing to hide, it's never an issue. I'd assume anyone who wouldn't let me see it knew they were doing something inappropriate.

[Mr_twoface]

Me and the Mrs have full access to each other’s phone and social media accounts. We’ve borrowed each other’s phone to google, take pictures or browse social media but that’s been it.

If your partner is the one you claim to love tremendously, you should have access to each other’s phones, content and social media platforms.

[360Grrlz]

I lean more on the "trust first" side of things, so I generally do not ask to see a phone and I don't like being "back pressured" by people who wave their phones around like its a piece of bitcoin or their latest virtual signaling flare. Anybody can have a burn phone on the side and if you carry a "clean phone" to impress with, well, that's your choice. I'm not a player either, but if you want proof perhaps I'll let you look at my latest squeeky report from the doc, lol. Privacy <> secrets. No one reads my diary, and I write notes to myself on my phone. No ones business but mine, and if you need to see what I write about you in my diary, ask me again on your birthday and I'll drop you a bit there...

[snowboarder720]

What did you write about me?

[DizzyDesii]

I won’t ask for his if he doesn’t ask for mine. But the way he looks over at my phone to see what im doing, im pretty sure he’ll eventually ask for it. I have a pretty bad habit of turning it away like “dang why you all up on me” but its usually cause im gossiping/fangirling with the girls. Its certainly not doing anything with another guy, but i gotta try to stop turning away as to not make him paranoid. And he has to stop leaning all on me unless i tell him “hey babe look at this”

[jshm2]

Don't be stupid. You are still individuals. You don't magically become some "hybrid" because you became a couple.

Sure there needs to be love and trust. But too often it's those without love and cannot be trusted that will demand access, while refusing access to their own.

Hence why the advice I always give is simple: When you do not have the level of love and trust now, that you had in the first week of the relationship; it's pretty much over.

[elizamichale1]

My partner has all the access and I have access to his phone but I can't remember the last time when either of us checked the other's phone...

We have just picked up n used one another's phone to make call but never to spy on checking shit...

[diversethought]

Depends on your careers and the understanding/place in your relationship. Career, like getting confidential work related messaged. Other than that, read away. I must warn you, you maybe offended by my messages and it may challenge your trust. Not that I'm cheating or plan too. Just because my friends and family say crazy shit at times, or may bring up a part of my past I forgot to mention.

[bobby_bush_eater]

I think that's a tough one...

On one hand I can definitely see wanting your privacy on both sides but at the same time I have nothing to hide and would hope she doesn't.

I think once you're married yes you should have access but even before then having some access on both ends shows trust

[EmmaMary]

Except for my husband's business phone and my works phone, we have full access to each others private phones.

[rosemilk]

not sure why i'd need it. obviously i have his passcode because sometimes he hands me his phone to look something up while he's busy. but i don't just take it and look through all of his stuff at my own will. no need to

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I think it all depends on the couple. I think if you trust each other enough than you might not need to check each other's phones. Unless you have it as a rule that you both want to follow and allow, then it is ok.

[Chazmatazz269]

If you need it because your battery is dead or the software is updating, no problem. If you’re snooping because you have trust issues, no bueno, chica.
A relationship lacking in trust is doomed anyway. Might as well hang it up and move on.

[NathanDavis]

trust is a must...

I'd have nothing to hide though