How far should you plan ahead in a new LDR?

[Finfin1981]

So how far have people planned ahead to visit someone if they are in a long distance relationship? 2 months? 4 months? Longer … thanks

[Finchie40]

LDR are hard and usually don’t work out unless you are both on the same exact page with things , but sadly it’s a slim chance. Unless you both decide to make plans to move in together soon and one of ya leaves their job to be with the other , it’s a messy situation , not saying it can’t work , it ‘s just a slim chance for it to work. It usually turns into a booty call more than anything else , unless you are both on the same exact page and planning to be with each other as soon as possible , the longer you both wait? The longer it’s going to take for you both to be closer to each other , space sadly opens doors for other people to step in and sadly that’s what usually happens. One of you will meet someone else without the other knowing and everything turns to shit. You are better off finding someone that doesn’t have to make a lot of adjustments to be with you and someone you know you can trust 100 percent , that isn’t hiding anything under their sleeve before you fully give someone your heart and than they turn around and shit on it. It’s your life and your choice , just giving you some advice

[MrOracle]

No one should ever be in a LDR, unless you are married and circumstances forced you into a LDR temporarily. LDRs are essentially fake, and if the couple is apart for more than 90 days, the failure rate is around 98%.

The whole purpose of a relationship is to spend PHYSICAL time together, in the same actual room/space. A LDR is a "virtual" relationship - it's fake. It's an illusion. And in nearly every case, it's just a huge waste of people's time.

People who are in a LDR don't like hearing that - they want to believe - and that's exactly why they eventually get hurt and have regret. Most people have to learn this lesson the hard way, and some people get taught the lesson by life and STILL refuse to learn, so they keep doing it.

The truth is, people get LDRs because they want to shop outside of their price range, and instead of being happy and picking from their local options, they feel they "deserve" something "better" - even if it's fake. And their selfishness and shallowness will eventually come back to bite them.

If you are smart, you will always, ONLY date LOCALLY, because if you can't physically spend time with that person at least several days a week consistently, then you aren't in a real relationship, and you are wasting a lot of your precious time on a fantasy that will never come true.

[Sugar100]

I have a LDR at moment & I haven’t seen him in 2 months but this month he will be coming to see me & next month too.

I had one guy I dated he lived 5 min away from me & never saw me. Maybe just once a month. Also I’ve never had a boyfriend so I never have had a boyfriend next to me 24/7 spending time with me & my family. I never had a serious relationship either.

but yes eventually one of us would need live together & I wouldn’t mind move to his state it’s not an issue for me. As long as we meet family & spend holidays together it’s the most important thing to prove he is actually my boyfriend.

[CrazyGirl2]

I ended a relationship precisely because of this! We were planning what time we would see each other on Thanksgiving Eve, and Day, in late July! Just the thought of "What if dinner is a half hour late, I'll lose a quarter of my time with him!" It was just too stressful! #NotWorthTheStressAndHeartache

Laura. 🤗 🥰

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of my relationship sparkle here! In the exhilarating world of a long-distance romance, planning is your best friend, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. The sweet spot? It's all about balance. Planning a visit 2 to 4 months ahead is like hitting the love jackpot—it's close enough to keep the butterflies fluttering but far enough to build that delicious anticipation. Remember, whether it's two months or a tantalizing four, the key ingredient is keeping the communication as hot and heavy as your future meet-up. Share calendars, dream a little, and let the countdown begin! But hey, why stop there? Keep the magic alive with spontaneous love letters or unexpected virtual dates. After all, in love and LDRs, it's the unexpected surprises that make the heart grow fonder. 🌹💫

[Summeroflove]

Everyone is different and I think it depends on what works for both of you. Now two relationships are the same. If people feel as if they’re growing apart and falling out of love, then they need to have that conversation even if it’s hard.

But communication is key. Your wants and needs, as well as his. Long distance relationships can be very hard. Unfortunately some people are also cheated on.

[AmandaYVR]

It depends on how far away from each other you are. Logistics, expense, and other obligations such as work and family will dictate/inform the length of time between visits.

The more often you see each other, the faster it will progress the relationship. The inverse of that is if you go long periods (more than 3 months, let's say, approximately), the more you may delay an inevitable end.

[OlderAndWiser]

I think the answer to that question depends entirely on your individual circumstances and not on any general rule/OSFA answer.

[Avicenna]

4 months is too long unless they're really far away and you need to book s long flight

[ohsheeT]

Is that one of the new cars that are out LDR

[leftovercream_]

I recently broke up with my ex of 3.5 years due to LDR. We weren’t initially in a LDR. But once we graduated he moved back to his hometown. There were a lot of complications by that time and it got pretty messy. I remember begging him to see me just once but he never did. In fact he planned two trips to my city but visiting me was too much of a hassle and required him to align things. lol I laugh and get embarrassed when I think about that. But tbh at the end of the relationships are all about consideration and consistency. I know people who ended up in secure marriages while being in a LDR. So maybe it’s all about luck. Even if you plan things which I did , life has other things for you. So it’s better off to stay away from LDRS!!!

[imtiaz45]

In a new long-distance relationship (LDR), it's essential to balance planning with flexibility. Start by setting short-term goals, such as scheduling regular calls and planning visits. Discuss your long-term goals and expectations within the first few months to ensure you're on the same page. Reevaluate your plans periodically, adjusting as needed based on how the relationship evolves. Prioritize open communication about your future together while allowing room for growth and change. Striking this balance helps maintain a healthy relationship and builds a strong foundation for the future. read

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OGdx5Kr8i4I

[ZackBan]

A good buddy of mine got with his childhood crush one month before moving abroad. After 4 years of only LDR and meeting on hollydays he's now marrying her.

So I think it's sweet? Yes. Is it insane? Absolutely.

I don't think LDR is a good idea because the detachment from the other person doesn't allow you to get to know their flaws.

As for planning ahead: I like the approach of always planning ahead as long as you can look back.
(Been together 3 months plan for 3 months. Together 5 years, plan for 5 years)
It's a good tactic to always keep expectations realistic and aligned with the relationship

[BadApple69]

It's been my experience that LDRs don't work. We all want them to, some of us need them too. It's my belief that we as humans need physical touch. The holding of a hand, a hug, a kiss... And when we don't get that contact we will eventually go looking for it... And I'm not even talking about sex which as young people we have that strong desire to mate.
Nature didn't design us to have computer screens to romance the opposite sex. We were designed to have that person in our own village. So we could see, touch, kiss, and ultimately sex. Computers and cell phones can't give us what we need.

[PhenomenalQueen]

How long have you known the person? Is this just someone you’ve been interacting with over the phone and online? If so, I honestly wouldn’t plan that far ahead.. It really depends on you and how well you know the person. It may work out, but how would things go for you? You have to know what your desired outcome is with this person and theirs. What are you short term and long term goals? What are theirs? All of this matters.

[Cute_Miss_Laura]

I would never have an LDR. But is you are so inclined, I would bring it up as SOON as possible, so you have as much time to prepare and plan who will be doing the traveling, and who well bare the costs. Also to outline every weekend, holiday etc… where you will be together. Also really analyze whether or not it’s really worth it to you.

[JamesDylan1990]

I was in one for 3 years we would plan stuff for like thanks giving in March but she eventually left me over me having had no money and I had a stroke. She knew of my physical limitations the entire time and still chose to leave. So it depends on if you are truly in love. If you love them it might could work. She lived about an hour away but we sometimes went weeks without seeing each other so it was hard. I didn't drive due to the stroke but realistically just keep constant communication

[MikeTheBartender]

Unfortunately I agree with the majority here, ldr is like Santa Claus in the Easter Bunny it doesn't really exist. Why would you do an ldr? No good options in your city? Trust me, back in my asshole days, I dated many women that thought they were in a ldr with me, they were not.

[hahahmm]

Trick question because I would never be thinking that a LDR is going to last more than the next couple of days. My advice is if you're in LDR, meet asap and decide if you want more or not. if so than somebody needs to move closer. Don't keep doing LD.

[DannyUk2017]

Everytime i planned too far, and Everytime turned out to be a Disaster, so... No More planning ahead, unless the "planning" is Just for me! As i won't 100% know how the other person would react to my actions, so i rather plan for myself rather than for both of us, or even better... I Go With The Flow... always turned out better than expected, being spontaneous is better than just doing the "same stuff" like everyone else...🤷‍♂️

[sawno]

You don't need crazy detailed planning, but what you do need is some idea of how your going to end up together in person. Like who is going to move to who? What is going to make that possible? Etc. Then with that grand scheme in place you make sure to take realistic actions towards those steps.

[DishLady]

That sort of depends on how long you’ve known the person and how long you need to save up (or get a good price on a fare) to get to see the person.


Try not to “surprise” an ldr partner bc you need to make sure the person is real, is available, is willing to ACTUALLY see you, etc etc.

[Mr_twoface]

I would say there is no time gap, it all depends on your distance. If she lives on another continent, it takes time and money to book flights, accommodation etc. So planning a few months ahead is a good thing, so both can save up and you can reserve things fairly priced ahead. If you live a few hours away, then a month tops two should be enough.

[sheenagwapa]

i don't wannq be in a relationship with anyone but this wuestion keep popping on my feed so i just answer it. i am super thankful though to certain people for their help. i have strong faith in Jesus i know i will find my real the one. i just wanna seeve God that's all i want and hopefully someday find my prince charminh.

[Massageman]

As long as is practical. If it is "cyclical thing" (based on job fluctuations/location changes/ time of the year), I would try to work out at least a year's worth of comings and goings, if the timing/locations are known factors. More planning = less surprises later on down the line.