Why would a woman cheat with a man's best/good friend?

[SarahS98]

Cheating is already terribly messed up but why specifically would a woman cheat with the man's best/good friend? Out of other random men, why with the friend?

I'm only asking this because it's now nearly 2 years since reading dad's journal about my parents' infidelity long ago. With my mom's cheating (she was then 20 years old), I wasn't even born yet and when dad cheated back, I was only 2 years old. I know dad cheated in revenge but his journal still didn't explain why mom (his then girlfriend at the time) cheated with his friend. It only said that the reasons were discussed during their reconciliation period and couple therapy sessions long ago. But I don't know why. He knows the reason but didn't put that in his journal.

I still haven't told my parents I found that information. My parents never wanted to share this information with me nor my younger twin sisters. I'm no one to judge my parents (still love them very much) but was wondering if I can one day tell my parents I know their secret or not? I know a cheater does it because they wanted to and are selfish but why specifically with the man's friend out of other men out there?

[OlderAndWiser]

I have never cheated but I have twice been the victim of cheating. I think people cheat because the opportunity arises, the idea of the risk is exciting, and they place no value on keeping the promise they previously made to their partner. And many times, I think they want to get caught.

Cheating with your partner's best friend increases the risk substantially, and the likelihood of being caught is greater.

[SarahS98]

I'm sorry to hear you were a victim to this. You're right about your very last sentence. In dad's journal it's explained he came early from an errand or so and caught both mom and his friend in the act, on his couch. I don't get why she would want to get caught if she nearly lost him at the time. When dad cheated back later on, he actually felt bad and confessed.

[scott04sa22]

My ex-girlfriend cheated on me quite a bit. After I found out from her sister

[OlderAndWiser]

@SarahS98 Some people are overwhelmed by the responsibility of being in a relationship, they want out, and they feel guilty for having gotten into the relationship. Cheating, and then being caught, is a way to make the relationship end without being required to say "I made a mistake and I want out."

[SarahS98]

But then she went trying to win him back afterwards. If she wanted to end the relationship with dad (her then boyfriend at the time; I wasn't even born then), she wouldn't have insisted so much on winning him back.

[OlderAndWiser]

Read about approach-avoidance conflicts.

www.oxfordreference.com/.../authority.20110803095420299

[SarahS98]

Interesting

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[LiamS95]

Best way to hurt who your cheating on if that's your intention.

[SarahS98]

So in a way it can even be emotionally abusive too since she's hurting him with direct intention.

[LiamS95]

Yes, quite possibly.

[SarahS98]

I grew up thinking I had the perfect family, lol. They didn't even seem like the couple that have bad arguments nor a bad past. They've long forgiven each other and I don't want to rock the boat now but I wonder if I can tell them I know their secret. Or would that be too much?

[LiamS95]

It's probably better left buried as a secret as it could open old forgotten & forgiven emotional wounds.

[SarahS98]

True. I guess if they're now happy and at peace with each other (not the type of road I would take though) then I'll leave it at that.
Personally I would have a hard time coming back from that but I guess some people are strong enough to do the whole forgiving and forgetting thing.

[LiamS95]

I agree. If you ever just need someone neutral to talk to you can dm me anytime.

[AI Opinion]

Diving deep into the steamy waters of relationship dynamics, it's like unraveling a plot twist in a drama series, isn't it? Cheating with a partner's friend can often be more about accessibility, emotional connection, and sometimes, a twisted form of retaliation than just pure attraction. The friend is already in the comfort zone, eliminating the need for those awkward get-to-know-you steps. It's dangerously easy, like the forbidden fruit dangling right there. Plus, there's this emotional entanglement—sometimes, people feel understood, or dare I say, seen, by their partner's friend in ways they feel their partner doesn't.

As for sharing the secret with your parents, imagine tiptoeing into a garden that’s had its share of storms. Your intention might be to understand the landscape better, not to stir up the soil. Start gently, maybe with a, "I stumbled upon some old feelings and thoughts, can we talk?" This isn't just about unearthing secrets; it's about knitting closer the fabric of your family, understanding the human in them, and their journey of growth. Remember, the aim is to build bridges, not burn them, sprinkled with a dash of empathy and a whole lot of love. 🌉💖

[AviatorTom]

Opportunity. The reason most cheatings happen. He happens to be nearby, she knows him, and the condition is right for hooking up,

[SarahS98]

That's very likely. I guess it must be harder to cheat with a stranger than someone known.

[Wetdreamz]

Opportunity is a prerequisite, not the reason but either way, this would be much greater for the reason that men cheat not women. In women's case, it's mostly either because they feel alone/disconnected/unheard, OR they've already checked out OR the sex sucks with the current guy

[AviatorTom]

@Wetdreamz I never cheated, but I've had several opportunities. I must admit that it was a struggle to turn down attractive German and French women who made it very clear that they were willing.

[SarahS98]

@Wetdreamz
Yeah there must have been some issues at some point when they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

[SarahS98]

@AviatorTom
I'm glad you turned it down. It's all about will power and self-control.

[D_Bone_Steak]

When I was dealing with a cheater before I started revenge cheating back, that bitch would introduce me to these guys... tell me lies like they're unattractive or gay. I don't have the answer to this question, but I have the same question my damn self. Even when it was random people I don't want anything to do with, she'd try to get me to like the guy or to get to know them.

I have no idea why a chick is like that. As I mentioned, I did some revenge cheating. None of them, none, was someone that she'd know. Even the cheating on my part is still 100% not known. Meanwhile with her, I know about cheating that she never would admit to. My guess is they're picking who would do the most damage. It's a chick thing maybe, and I just won't ever understand.

[SarahS98]

You probably cheated because it was likely a way to get back at her after all that terrible treatment. I guess mom wanted to hurt him badly at the time, which she did. There was distrust for years until he revenge cheated. It wasn't until he got back at her that they've been at peace ever since.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Same here peace was found... but the damage was done. What is it? some sort of shit test to see if we'll cheat back? I cheated back thinking "This will make the scoreboard even." But in the end I don't think it was worth it. I was left with the prize of a blown out woman that decided to just get fat. Yeah, the cheating stopped and then she just... basically became hammered dog shit that has to buy bigger clothes.

Same distrust I think. On my part because she was doing shit, and then on her part she was basically making shit up. I think she was making up stories of me cheating in order to justify herself. She'd take off to the club and I just wanted to drink beers and play video games... I wasn't cheating, but somehow she claims she thought I was. Her on the other hand... guys texting constantly, her friends (not mine) telling on her, shit... even her Mom told on her.

She was a real piece of shit. Peace only came about when I dropped to that level and was worth than her.

[SarahS98]

wow, she behaved even worse and didn't do anything to make it up to you. The difference in my parents' case is my mother (well base on the journal) did spent all those turbulent years trying to amend her wrong, and always took her of care, the house, attentive to his needs, etc.. She forgave him immediately when he confessed the revenge affair and even thought it was deserved, didn't blame him too much.
What do you think of my story of how I grew up as? I grew up thinking I had a stable upbringing and loving parents. This is the infidelity story I posted a long while ago:
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all? ↗
Unlike the horrible woman in the story, these are some of things dad mentioned in his journal, of how mom tried making it up to him until trust was rebuilt in the end. She did these things:
- Bought him a new couch (with her own money) and helped him with the moving process. He couldn't stay anymore at the place the cheating happened.
- Paid (her money too) for both their couple counseling sessions and his individual counseling and therapy sessions; he didn't have to pay anything
- Was the first person to come when he had a sports accident and fractured his left knee (this is what made him propose after he recovered while at the same time trying to forget that visuals of her cheating, on one hand there is the person caring about your health even though they did something horrible too)
- Helped out with some of the medical bills, help his parents with it
- Quitted partying permanently, became a punctual person and dedicated her time with him, being an open book
- Gave him 3 children, me and my younger twin sister
- Become a great cook (she's still better than me) and very attentive to his needs, his favorite meals and desserts, etc.

[SarahS98]

Continued:
In the end, dad did felt terrible after the revenge cheating that he felt he scooped so low. He felt bad and that she didn't deserve that anymore. That's why he confessed. Then they apologized to each other and made a pact that this would be buried and dead, not to ever be brought up again nor revealed to anyone. Towards nearly the end the journal, he does refers to her as his greatest ally and several other good adjective towards her.
Yet, I still wonder if dad might still be having flashbacks. It's bad enough to know about an affair but actually walk on it is traumatic.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It heals with actual change. I didn't get that. My situation, as the kids were already in place, she makes the money, and we were in Japan... I could leave and destroy her paycheck, but then it would've ruined our kids lives. I got empty promises and she just re-visited her old ways despite all the promises... over and over.

I got tired of her shit and just quit trying at some point during that. She became nothing but a hoe-bag I had to deal with. I got buff (weight lifting at home) and just started fucking girls. The thing that kept me around... I stayed and raised my kids. Her tubes were tied at that point, so I was going to see them out and not ruin their life for my anger towards their mother.

[SarahS98]

yeah if she had been contrite about it and actually proven with consistent actions over the years like mom did, it would've made a big difference. I can't imagine staying stuck with someone that wrongs me badly and isn't even remorseful at about. That's doubling the hurt, first for the original offense and second for blatant disrespect towards someone that's hurt.

[Purpleronnie]

Your trying to apply reason here and that’s flawed because it’s the opportunity isn’t it , it wasn’t thought through rationally , she was obviously in his company a great deal because of the situation and took advantage of that but there is more than one person here too right? How could he betray his best friend like that. You will never define a reason cheaters cheat because they make a choice to do it , they make a choice to betray and hurt for their own selfish desires that’s the only constant !

[SarahS98]

His former friend was described in a hateful manner in dad's journal. Miguel was his name and already had a reputation on being a player. There was someone else complaining that Miguel would after another guy's date or girlfriend. Dad still trusted and didn't believe that he would do that to him until he caught them. Miguel got kicked out of their lives permanently and mom forgiven. They were just boyfriend and girlfriend at the time.
I agree cheating is selfish. Dad revenge cheated years later though.

[Purpleronnie]

I really don’t agree with the revenge cheating , it’s not tit for tat. If you really have an issue with being cheated on then it’s not ok for you to do it back , 2 wrongs don’t make it right. He was basically saying you can cheat as long as I get to do it too which is fucked up in my opinion

[SarahS98]

Yeah it wasn't right what dad did either. Though in his journal, he is full of guilt, actually confesses and takes responsibility for his part. They worked things out again with a marriage counselor for a bit, until both decided to bury this and never reveal it to anyone.

[EmisElite]

1. Sweet Revenge.

2. That person had something better

3. (Sad Truth) You tallked about that person in a bad way and it made him more desirable.

4. You just picked the wrong one.

The game is the game. Learn from the mistake and move forward.

[SarahS98]

yeah could be any of those reasons, good point.

[Anonymous]

Sounding very cliché here but bros before hoes, and hoes before bros. If its love then a guy should go to his best friend out of respect and say, "she is making moves on me and we connected," we haven't done anything yet, but I really like her. Flip side for a woman. Aftermath, now you will get punched or slapped, ruin friendships or make stronger. Fact is, the truth is facts. The relationship was going to get ruined anyways when they find out. at least with honesty, the ball is in the court of adults.

[SarahS98]

Base on dad's journal, the friend Miguel had the reputation of being a player and prior to the cheating, there was another guy that had issues with the player. Something about Miguel going after someone else's date. Dad didn't want to believe it until he caught them.
Even though I don't what problems were in the relationship and what was the real reason mom cheated, I'm going to take a guess that given that guy's rep and rumors, he likely seduced my mom and played with her. She fell for a typically bad guy saying sweet words.

[Dongie]

Access. Husband has him around, attraction noted and it's on. Sorry best friend. I won't mention her.

[SarahS98]

Yeah I guess it's much easier to have access to someone known than start from zero with a total stranger.

[Dongie]

It happens all the time. I never did. I wouldn't date a friend's ex even. Loyalty is a very important piece of character.

[Surely]

Because the two of you are around each other more than strangers. You know their likes and dislikes. You talk about what you think that you are missing out on in your own relationship. So you can be sympathetic to their wants and desires. Bingo!

[SarahS98]

Yeah that sounds about right. It's easier cheating with someone known than with a random, stranger. Great answer.

[handsomelad70]

Lack of character. (The man evinces the same character deficiency.)

[SarahS98]

Yeah she made wrong choices back then. She went to counseling and therapy sessions with him at the time, which helped her improve her character.

[elizamichale1]

But why would a man's best friend be approachable to tht girl in a sexual way... he is not the best friend I guess

[SarahS98]

According to dad's journal, the guy (Miguel was his name) had a reputation of being a player type but dad didn't believe in the rumors until he caught them. So the guy was already trash. He got permanently kicked out of their lives while mom got forgiven.

[elizamichale1]

Still... he was considered someone's best friend... n unfortunately ur dad misjudged

[SarahS98]

True he was. I'll never understand how anyone can do that to their best friend. I couldn't even do that to my worst enemy, let alone a good friend.

[elizamichale1]

Yup that's what I meant honey

[madpete1111]

There's no one size fits all answer. Ask your parents

[SarahS98]

True, many factors can play into this. My parents seemed happy together by now and this has long been worked out. Hopefully I don't rock the boat.

[AngryCarl]

Cheating? With a dog?

That's pretty messed up.

This clip is a little long, you might want to skip it:

[SarahS98]

Not with a dog. Long ago (32 years ago) when my parents were boyfriend and girlfriend, my mom (20 years old at the time), cheated with dad's good friend.

[Anonymous]

because soyboys, simps, white knights and boomer cucks allow this to happen

[SarahS98]

well dad did ended up revenge cheating years later. He had a revenge affair way back in 2000 that he ended up confessing to. I guess not much of a simp if he got his revenge.

[jahaims]

People that cheat do it to cope with hating themselves.

[SarahS98]

Good point. My mom had a low self-esteem at the time.

[Nerdvana]

To collect the insurance money when he died of sadness and depression.

[SarahS98]

So you think my mother remains married to my dad for his insurance money?

[Nerdvana]

No, of course not. I am sure your mother loves your father very much. I was just joking. Although I would probably die of sadness and depression. If my future wife had sex with my best friend. Of course if I had a future wife, which I don't and if I had a best friend, which I don't. I am curious, do you know how you father found out about your mom cheating? Did he catch them?

[SarahS98]

After finishing reading dad's journal, indeed even though she did really screwed up big time, she does love him very much. I used to believe a cheater can't love you but their story soften my stance. I had a much better understanding that love can be distinguish from lust. Yeah, he literally caught them in act 32 years ago. They were just boyfriend and girlfriend at that time. This is my story of how I grew up, thinking I had the perfect, ideal family. I wrote this a long, while back.
So the ideal, perfect family doesn't exist at all? ↗
During the reconciliation period, mom did so much to try amend her wrong. She did spend her own money on buying him a new couch, helping him with the moving process (since he couldn't stay in the same place it happened), paying for couple counseling session, paying for his individual counseling and therapy sessions, forever canceling girls night out (since she used to be a party girl), dedicating time on him, become a punctual person, helped his parents with some medicals bills when he once got into a sports accident and injured one knee, etc.
When dad had a revenge affair (they were married by then and I was 2), she forgave him immediately and even thought it was deserved, likely out of guilt. They worked that out too and well have been at peace for the longest now.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your mom is a hoe and your Dad is a simp for keeping her.

[SarahS98]

Try not to insult my parents. I'm trying to understand. I love my parents, regardless of the bad choices they made. There are days I wished I had never read that old, private journal.
When mom cheated, they weren't even engaged. They were just boyfriend and girlfriend when mom (then 20 years old, dad was the same age too) cheated with dad's friend Miguel.
Dad broke up at first but then they worked this out and got married 4 years after that cheating. If it helps dad had his revenge affair but he confessed to it out of guilt, worked this out again and they've been at peace with each other since. She did changed for the better though.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SarahS98. Well, you can view your parents through new eyes and don't repeat their mistakes.

[SarahS98]

True. In the end I'll never understand the point of cheating. I would never cheat on my husband and neither would I accept getting cheated on.
They raised 3 daughters (me and my twin sisters) in a loving household, nothing missing. With the exception of the journal, I had a good childhood so they did a good job there at least.

[SarahS98]

Honestly, they didn't even seem like the couple to have had problems in the past so reading that journal was a total surprise to me. I would've never known if I didn't read it.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SarahS98. They did a good job of keeping the peace in front of the kids. I give them full credit for that.

[OfDeath]

Because she’s a skank. That’s the simplest answer.

[SarahS98]

That was harsh. She's 52 by now. The cheating was 32 years ago, way back I was even born. She did changed for the better.

[OfDeath]

Hello? We’re talking about someone who let their husband’s best friend fuck her!

Skank alert.

[SarahS98]

I know but you're still talking to a woman's daughter. Even if our parents made bad decisions, we still love them. I would like to add they weren't married (not even engaged) when she cheated at the time. He forgave, worked it out and then they got married 4 years after her cheating. Meanwhile when dad cheated back in revenge, they were already married. She hasn't cheated during the engagement nor marriage; it was when they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

[OfDeath]

I mean what do you want me to say? That’s she wasn’t a skank just because she is your mother?

[SarahS98]

I will agree what she did at the time was an awful action. I guess I'm trying to understand if there might have been issues in their relationship prior to her cheating. I'm not excusing her (no excuse in the end) but I'm trying hard to see it from her point of view, even for a second. I can't.
I made a mistake in reading dad's old, private journal. I wish I had never know it.

[OfDeath]

There might’ve been. Why don’t you ask her? Or ask your father. Better, ask both and draw your own conclusion.

[SarahS98]

yeah that'll do it.

[Princesspd]

To stab her husband right in the heart.

[SarahS98]

They were boyfriend and girlfriend at the time when she got caught cheating. He forgave and they still got married but even though it's been 32 years later, I'm guessing he (dad) must be having flashbacks once in a while.

[sheikalana]

Because she's trashy and has no morals.

[SarahS98]

She was before, not anymore. She came a long way and the mom I've known and grown up with isn't the same as the girlfriend from the past. She forgave dad's revenge affair immediately and even thought it was deserved. They worked that out too with a marriage counselor.

[TeraGER]

Because she's a slut

[SarahS98]

She isn't anymore though and hasn't been for the longest. She did changed for the better.

[Cheerfull009]

Cheating means, Change of taste

[SarahS98]

Yeah I guess so. It's likely easier to cheat with someone known than with a stranger.