What would you do differently in your marriage?

[greyislife]

If you’re currently divorced or married, what are some things you would do differently in early stages of your relationship or before getting married? Give your best advice for those not yet married.

[DonkeyDan]

Communicate how you envisage your life together, talk about your goals and if any of them match or if they are different ends of the spectrum, not that differences aren't good but it depends what kind of differences they are. Definitely find out if you are sexually compatible and live together. You never really know someone until you've lived together and seen them at their worst and what they are like when they aren't trying.
Marriage is about a partnership and if that is a successful one or not. You can have a lot in common with someone but not be able to tolerate them on a daily basis. Communication is key, it doesn't solve everything, but lack of communication leads to resentment.

[GoldenAxer]

I should have spent more money on practical things that last like cooking utensils and a huge refrigerator and power tools while I was single and had more spare money that my wife wouldn't want to spend. Now it takes a long time to save up for these things in between romantic dates and traveling for vacation. When I was a bachelor, I could have saved up for such things in a single month if I wasn't spending my money on stupid stuff like fancy restaurants and an apartment that was nicer than I needed.

[greyislife]

Would you wife not be willing to give up fancy dates and traveling for a month in order to afford the practical things you both need?

[GoldenAxer]

I think she wouldn't mind so much but I might! :-D Both she and I aren't big spenders on our own, but we both love to go out, hang out with mutual friends, see new places, drink, and that desire multiplies mutually when we're together. It's not through any pressure on her part, but just the dynamic we have together, that makes it difficult for us together to prioritize luxuries that last at home as opposed to fun experiences that only last in memories.

It's also a bit of a COVID-inspired thought. The lockdown has forced us to spend far more time at home, and we've developed a bunch of new interests. For example, I've become all interested in perfecting the ability to make pizza dough, and I'm starting to want a commercial-grade pizza oven that can go at least up to 700 degrees F. But maybe kind of a stupid and impractical desire, but that's something I think I could have easily afforded as a bachelor if I planned these things out more in advance or saved more money.

[TrueConfection]

I don't really know. 20 years of marriage and I don't know how to answer this question.

Maybe get to know his parents better in the beginning. You know, "They're cut from the same cloth," has a lot of truth to it.

[Apple1996]

I wouldn't change a thing about my marriage. Not that everything has been perfect but those times that were tough have taught me a lot

[Anonymous]

I never married out of love or lust or any of that other BS people get married for. I wedded because of respect. One thing I tried was not to let emotions run the relationship. If you love someone one say and the next day your not in love anymore then what? if your mad and do things out of anger and the next moment your not all that emotions achieved nothing. Respect was built and understood. I see her position and she sees mine. I understood her weakness and tried to cover them and vise versa. Emotions should never be the driving factor in any relationships because we miss the important attributes an person holds. She calls me out on a lot of things I do and i accept it because its not what she says but how she says it that tries to make me a better person and likewise. If your ready to contract the person you are with the know why your doing it and accept the world as it comes.

[Anonymous]

Keep her in a separate Place do not live together. text tracking software on her cell phone these women today need to be spying on. And I should have been with her sister we look better together.

[greyislife]

huh?

[exitseven]

I do not think I would do anything different. We had our kids right away. It was hard but they are all grown up and gone and we are just 50. We worked hard and nothing was handed to us. I wish I could change that but that is not an option.

[Sketti2021]

Red flags were everywhere, I totally ignored them. But I'd do it all again because of my kids.

[greyislife]

What were some of the red flags if you don’t mind sharing?

[Sketti2021]

He lied about things he knew I was against, was gone for hours after work, etc. Was with him way too long and I finally left.

[Avicenna]

Marry a woman who’s compatible

[greyislife]

I had a partner once tell me he “doesn’t believe in compatibility” and that it was all about “how much the people wanted each other”. Would you say this was true for you?

[Avicenna]

No, it wasn't, it was a matter of settling when I didn't need to.

[jimmy2]

I made it till she passed it was 36 yesrs 1 day and 5 hours. I would mot change a thing

[spartan55]

Sorry to hear this.

[jimmy2]

Its life

[captain_voidwalker]

You know what they say. Marriage is responsible for 100% of all divorces

[nickaboy]

Not kill my wife , or weren't we talking about the sims?

[Sabretooth]

spen a lot less time alone in my room.

[Iykomo]

Say kinds words every time.

[Pj1981]

Better communication

[User223]

Only thing I’d do differently is not get married

[Diya010]

Nothing