In love, so now what? Ex turned platonic friend?

[Anonymous]

I am in love with someone I casually dared for about a year. We have since broken things off and are friends, but I can't shake how non-platonically I feel. We talk daily, until late, I spent the night recently but it's all just a "platonic". He says he has attraction but doesn't act on it. Our intentions clearly don't align as he wants to marry someone who shares his cultural background per his parents expectations. I just need some guidance on how to 1) be his platonic friend, 2) work to fix things or 3) walk away and not stay in touch. Advice?

[Finchie40]

Walk away , if he doesn’t want to be more than just platonic friends with you , than I’m sorry to break it to you , you are just wasting your time on him , he isn’t capable of giving you what you actually want , so you are best to walk away and find yourself someone that wants what you want, or you are just going to be strung along by this guy you are platonic friends with. Your platonic friend is set on his ways and that isn’t going to change , if he really wanted to be with you he would do what he had to do to be with you , so don’t fall for that shit , you are wasting your time being a convenience to him. Focus on yourself and find someone that wants what you want

[silvermoon84]

Break it off and give yourself space. Honestly, it sounds harsh but staying friends with him will only hurt you. I was in a similar situation and the ex and I were separated by Navy orders. We got sent to different places. We were reunited a year later, I still had feelings and he didn’t, and he said he didn’t want to be serious with anyone. He sensed it and distanced himself from me and then the Navy separated us again. I stupidly stayed friends thinking he’d change his mind eventually about being serious and come back. I was half right: he did change his mind about being serious, but he changed it when he met somebody else and decided he wanted to commit to her, and as you can imagine I was hurt.

My point: learn from my experience and move on, because even if he does have feelings for you they’re not strong enough for him to defy his family and cultural traditions for you. My ex had feelings for me but they weren’t strong enough for him to leave the single life and commit. If he finds someone else and chooses her, it’s only going to hurt you.

[lornakrys]

You need space. You are clearly in love with someone who is not in love with you regardless of what he says. The key factor here is he broke up with you and told you clearly that there is no romantic future for the two of you. Since your feelings are too strong and are still there, then you need to disengage from him in order to be able to move on. Just imagine you continue as you are and then he finds the girl that meets his parents requirements that he likes. Will you go to his wedding and smile? Take a step back, call him once in a while instead of daily. See him even more rarely until you have moved on. Then maybe you can be friends. If he is really your friend, he should understand why you need the space.

[zayndan]

He doesn't feel the same way you feel about him. That's for sure. So why would u want to be with him? Secondly, you'll always have strong feelings for him as long as y'all keep in touch. Trees will always grow once there's the scent of water. If u want to stop feel the way u feel, u need to minimize communication to 15 minutes a day or less for 3 weeks. And if you're thinking about trying to make it work, don't, because you're not meeting his parents expectations and he wants to please them. You're not what he wants, and he's not willing to go against his parents wishes atm. But he'll use u for sex until he finds someone his parents will appreciate. Are u ok with that?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understood the situation well, however, as I understand it, the guy hasn't been completely open with you - although he admits his attraction, he isn't willing to do anything about it and neither communicates how he feels about it. This doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't interested, but unfortunately, when things happen this way, it tends to be the case. I'm sorry you're going through that. It sucks to be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way; I really do not wish that upon anyone. But, yeah, you should cut ties with him ASAP. I know it sounds horrendous and like you couldn't do it, but I promise that time is the ONLY medicine in such situations. You'll only be able to heal if you realize that having him in your life, in such circumstances, will just cause you harm. I think you deserve better than that, hope you're able to see it too.

[Migo2611]

You should definitely Walk away , you are just torturing
he already made his choice to be with someone with his cultural back ground and that is not you
you might hook up in the future , but it is highly unlikely he will go against his parents


Have respect for yourself, you deserve to be with someone who is fully committed and sure about you


There is no way you can stay platonic with someone you had feelings for (even him too )


Another point , you might miss being with the right person for you because you will be focusing on this one (who already decided you are not the right one for him )

[DishLady]

Look, if you already know that these are his goals then you have no business wasting YOUR OWN time with feelings for him. Best thing to do is to distance yourself from him completely and find someone who is right for YOU and values you for what you have to offer, ok?

[PeachyPie93]

This is why you don't do casual dating, he isn't in the same place as you. He probably knew from the beginning it had no future. Hence he doesn't love you just likes doing whatever you let him do with you like kissing or more. I suggest ending the friendship if you still love him or it will take even longer to get over him.

[RingOfFire]

I would step away. It's only going to torture you so why expose yourself to that. Thank him for the relationship and tell him that you wish him all the best but you need to step away.

Then take a few deep breaths and do what you know has to be done. You have a right to have a fulfilling relationship and you won't find it as long as you're stuck in this rut.

[ProbablyClueless]

Definitely walk away, at least you should walk away for the time being. Y'all didn't see eye to eye about the nature of the relationship. That can't be undone without some distance and personal reflection.

[Nirmroth]

You stop beeing friends as soon as one party gets feelings. I would tell him you need time and block him. Go no contact or you end up stuck forever

[MrDaveAPSI]

i don't think you're in love. i think you'e in love with the attention you get. you need to find someone that you FIT WITH, not the one who's JUST GIVING YOU ATTENTION

[SweetJoyGirl]

I don’t he wants to be with you, anymore. I am sorry. ;-;

[SweetJoyGirl]

I don’t think**

[RossyBoi]

Just stay platonic friends with him, don't do anything that would make you too attached to him and you'll be fine.

[SoJust]

You can't be friends with someone you used to love

[OhLongJohnsoning]

All you're doing is not allowing yourself to move on. You need to let him go

[war_daddy]

you're already old. why are you intent on wasting even more valuable time on some retard?

[Danny_dan92]

He doesn’t want to get back together with you

[KrakenAttackin]

You are creating your own problems.

[Emmytexrex]

If he already have someone to marry walk away asap