Anytime I meet any man I find even a bit interesting I let him take over my entire life. What’s wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

Whether he’s ugly, broke, mean, kind, short, tall if i find a guy funny or not boring I’ll immediately think of him 24/7 and try to talk to him 24/7, go places etc etc. He immediately takes over my entire life. I’m confident, I have my own life, I have hobbies and friends but it doesn’t seem to help because as I meet any man I lose everything about me. How can I stop?

[kylee2437]

Girl I get it. Finding someone that you truly like is wonderful, however you will never get a guy to stay if you are ripping apart things about you that made this guy attracted to you in the first place. You almost never ever see men do this, and it’s because a man wants a woman that enjoys his life and wants to be apart of it, but also has her own and leaves him alone sometimes. Just because you find someone, doesn’t mean you don’t hang out with people anymore and let go of stuff that makes you , you

[Finchie40]

You can try? but that will probably be hard for you , it sounds like you value your man and appreciate him which is a very good thing , Most guys’ would love to have a girl like you , it pretty much means you like looking up to your man , you are attracted to his dominance and masculinity. Most guys’ love having a submissive girl , when a girl is submissive to him , he will more than likely cherish her and stand by her side as well. So my advice don’t change who you are especially if you would like to experience a long lasting relationship with a guy. Most females’ that aren’t really submissive to their men end up single or cheated on because she is trying to be more dominate than he is. Guys’ have Egos , if our ego isn’t fufilled by her? He will more than likely replace her or end it with her. A guy wants a girl that brings happiness into his life , not misery.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, it sounds like you really struggle with putting guys on a pedestal when you start liking them. And that's no good - it means they end up with all the power in the relationship from the get-go.

Maybe you get so excited about the potential of a new guy that you lose sight of yourself. But you need to remember to value yourself just as much! Don't ditch your friends, stop your hobbies - that isn't fair to you. A guy who's really interested will like you for YOU.

Next time you start talking to a cute guy, try taking things slower. Don't drop everything to hang with him constantly. Keep your independence. And don't put all your self-worth into whether he texts back right away.

Focus on staying confident and busy with your own life too. Then if he lacks interest, it won't crush you as much. You seem like a catch - don't let any dude make you forget that! Believe in yourself first. I'm sure with some practice, you can totally stop losing yourself like that.

[Lalalove11]

Hey I relate a lot I think it is to do with having an anxious attachment style. Basically the person becomes your whole life because you're afraid of losing them I think deep down? It usually stems from early childhood experiences. Anxious attachment types tend to attract avoidant ones, so you might find yourself attracting guys out of reach or very distant

[LordMadara]

its basic primal biology installed on every female 🤷🏽‍♂️

men on the other hand become possessive or authoritative

these are natural software drives packaged by the engineers of humanity
🤷🏽‍♂️
can't be overwritten or rewritten

[DishLady]

It’s natural to think about him and try to integrate him in your life, but it’s equally important to do the things you have to get done in your own life. If you’re finding this challenging, try to make a chart or timetable of when you can be with your man and when you can’t. (Like times you’re not both at work are ok to call/text/see eo.) If you or he already have kids, remember the times where you know you won’t be available bc of family time/activities. Etc etc, ok? Hope this is helpful.

[BetaBucks]

Are LTRs boring for you? Do you have ADHD? You might want to consider talking to a professional and trying to see if there are some root causes of this, and exercises/homework you can do to retrain your way of thinking. Cognitive behavioral therapy.

[Asker]

No I like long term relationships. I just don’t get that far into dates. I tend to realize I’ve halted my entire life for the guy and he really isn’t all that great. I have a counselor I’ll bring it up

[BetaBucks]

Okay fair enough. Good luck with the counselor side of things 🍻

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

It has something to do with your attachment style. Take it slow and distract yourself when you start to think about them again.. :) I strongly suggest meditation, yoga, or even therapy.

[serious]

I don't know, maybe take some professional help if you want. I mean talk to a counsellor, therapist or dating/relationship coach.

[slatyb]

Have you considered therapy? It sounds like you are trying to take over their lives. Also read "Attachment".

[codytoe]

Youve got schoolgirl crush syndrome sounds like. Just be mindful of your feelings and try your best not to let them get them best of you. :)

[Anonymous]

You will never place any man on a pedestal after realising what your Heavenly Father has done for you...

[Anonymous]

Hmm. There's a couple inconsistencies in your question.

Either you're not honestly assessing yourself. Or you're very and gaging what makes a quality man... maybe both.

[Asker]

This is an assessment about me, I’m not hating on men. I pick quickly when I like someone and it makes it easy to end up choosing men with major flaws. Even if they were great quality men no one’s worth pushing aside your whole life for.

[MrDaveAPSI]

You're a people pleaser. You like to please people, because you're afraid of losing them. Gotta learn how to say no

[Emmytexrex]

You have an attachment style anxious preoccupied attachment style meet a therapist

[AdolfWasRight1488]

Nothing is wrong with you. If it went to shit it's all his fault. You did exactly what he said.

[war_daddy]

sounds normal

[Hotboy_booblover]

Where are you?