This is a little long, but desperate for advice feel so low, stupid and been made a fool?

[Anonymous]

I know he's NPD, signs of love bomb discard etc etc and keeping tabs on me. We didn't date we hooked up a few times even though we knew each other online for 2 years, this was about 10 years ago. He dumped me, ignored me then spent the best 2 years texting hi then ignoring me so I'd beg. He'd get other women to verbally abuse me. I slowly but surely got my life together but still he'd find ways to contact me. I changed my number so he'd go to kik or dating sites that I was on. Send messages like you'll never get better than me accusing me of filtering pictures etc etc senseless stuff considering we never dated. Eventually I just cut dating sites and deleted messaging apps profiles. 2 years ago he sent an email i put it into junk. Then few weeks ago he sent me an email from an email address I didn't recognise. I'm a fool I replied back then he love bombed me, we met up had sex could not wait to get rid of me after, bragging about all the women he has by referring to us as sluts. he then texted later asking how it was, I played it cool and said it was fine, he then made subtle digs about something that happened then has ignored me since. So I sent an email last night apologising for all the begging years before and I was wrong. he's not replied. I'm closing my email account down, I don't want to risk him emailing me again.

I'm so stupid I hate myself. He made me so unhappy about myself years ago. I feel like I'm back to square 1 again. Why does this man hate me so much, we never even dated or went out. I knew I shouldn't have replied to that email, I had nightmares again, stopped eating and living on my nerves

Any advice will be helpful

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, sis I am so mad at him for putting you through all this bullshit again! And don't be so hard on yourself - we've all had moments of weakness with toxic exes. The good thing is you recognize now how unhealthy he is.

Please do yourself a favor and cut off ALL contact completely - block him everywhere and don't look back! You don't need that trash in your life dragging you down. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who truly love and support YOU.

It'll take time but try to start rebuilding your self-esteem - remind yourself daily of all your good qualities he couldn't see. Work on self-care too like doing things you enjoy. His cruel words say way more about HIM than you.

You don't need any man's, especially not his, approval to feel good about yourself. Own who you are - you're a strong, beautiful woman way out of his league! Hold your head high sis, this too shall pass. He'll never change but YOU'VE got this. Keep elevating!

[Anonymous]

You just got caught up with the wrong guy, unfortunately. If you feel like you’re at rock bottom, good thing about that is there’s no other place to go but up. Work on forgiving him, not because he deserves it at any capacity, but so that you can forgive yourself and start healing. Consider therapy if you need help correcting toxic mindsets and aren’t quite sure where to start. This man is a manipulator and quite sick minded, it’s clear he experienced similar treatment in the past and now every woman has to pay for it — that isn’t your fault.

[Asker]

I feel stupid, history tells me when I sent that email he would be sitting there with someone else having laugh at my expense.

[Opinion Owner]

I completely understand how you’re feeling, but it’s pointless beating yourself up over mistakes you can’t fix or things you can’t take back. Even in my worst experiences with men, all I can do for my own peace of mind is to forgive them and try to take something positive from it. I also try to step outside of my pain and think about why a man would be so blatantly hurtful. I just imagine terrible experiences with women, where they were treated how they treated us. They never healed and it shaped how they dealt with any other woman going forward.

You should be feeling deep pity for a man who lives to make others miserable. Who’s spiteful, vengeful and manipulative… I’d feel nothing but sorry and pray he can heal from that trauma so maybe he’ll be a halfway decent human being one day. Don’t let him pull you down any lower than he has already, he doesn’t deserve the energy.

[Asker]

I read up they don't get better they get worse. He's nearly 40 and got fatter and boasting about all the women has has calling us sluts. He was vulgar towards me. I always kept hoping maybe 1 day he'd apologise and meant it but I waited all that time and all I got was put down and made to feel like I was nothing