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I found out recently that my boyfriend, whom I started dating about five months ago, frequently comes home on the weekends to visit his family. He and I are in a long distance relationship, and have known each other since we were kids. I haven't gotten a chance to spend time with with him or even start the relationship, so it hasn't gone anywhere besides texting and calling each other on the phone. But he told me recently he has been coming home to visit his family and stay a couple days before heading back up to his home a few hours away. I live in the same area, but he doesn't even bother to visit me, text to meet up or anything. His reply is simply "I didn't know if you wanted to, so i didn't ask." Mind you, he is very insecure and doesn't want to bother me all the time since he isn't always on his phone. We started dating simply because he knew I wanted a boyfriend and wanted to get married someday and he wanted to give us a chance, so yeah... I mean, I guess family comes first, but I wanted some opinions from the guys.
I even asked him a few months before fourth of July if he had plans and if he wanted to spend time together, but he said he has an obligation to his mom and dad which he does every year with them... Not even an invite to join them either.
What Guys Said
It sounds like your relationship is not really established. Have you gone on a date, held hands, kissed, or done anything else associated with dating? Whatever has transpired, it doesn't sound like you two have discussed where you want your relationship to go and how it will get there.
He lives hours away, but he visited once out of those five months. We walked to the park and held hands. He kissed me in the car. The reason he wanted to give us a shot at dating was because he knew I wanted to get married one day, so hence we are dating. Nothing intimate has happened to us, and he told me he doesn't want to rush the relationship, as in, rush into sex which I'm completely fine not rushing into THAT bit, but not being able to see him as frequently is frustrating. I don't know where he lives, because I've never been to his house, and he told me he just got promoted at his job. I don't know...
"I don't know where he lives," That is a horrible, horrible red flag for this relationship. The two most likely explanations are
1. He lives in a shabby house or in a blighted area and he would be ashamed for you to know that, OR
2. He is married or living with a long term partner. And that would mean that when he is visiting our city, he has his wife/partner with him.
Do you know what city he lives in? How did you meet him?
I've know him since 2013. He and I went to the same middle school and highschool, but he never spoke to me and he was a year ahead of me. Met him in college before and we've been friends since. It's been kind of a distant friendship after 2013 though. He had a girlfriend back then who was really toxic toward him and cheated on him with his friend, or so I was told by him. He admitted to me back in 2015, back when we were both curious about each other, that he had always liked me since grade school but was always too shy to talk to me. And he even admitted that while he was in a relationship with his previous girlfriend, he had wanted to be with me but apparently I didn't read the signs. Though, looking back on that, that's honestly pretty horrible to want to do that to your partner.
He hates living in my area because there aren't many job opportunities, so he lives in a big city and seems to be doing well for himself. He's been there for two years now. I know what city he lives in just not his address. He told me he recently got a 10,000 sign on bonus at his job as he got promoted and he lives in a condo.
Other than that, he barely texts me, but he has told me in the past that he hates texting. We tried dating in the past, but he never put much effort in. Every time we made plans for me to come up and spend a few days with him, he always got sick, and he told me he nearly died to Pneumonia. I am aware he has many allergies, but it just seems odd he keeps canceling last minute. I even called him out about that and he apologized. At one point he tried to break up with me because he never got to see me, hence why I called him out on him not putting the effort in.
Eventually I broke up with him and then he texted me wanting to get back together and said he would put in more effort, and here I am now. Wondering if it's a mistake.
So you have never visited him in his home? Does that concern you?
I've been to his parents house years ago, but not to his new place that he moved into. He never did anything wrong to me.
When a guy never lets you come to his home, the most likely explanation is that he is living with a girl.
Maybe that's why he wanted to break up with me back then. He was keeping his options open. And the way he's acting right now, just got a text from him, he wants me to come up and stay a few days, maybe she left him and he has no other options...
Do you want to be someone's second choice?
I'm sure you're right. Nah, I'm good. Thank you though.
Good luck!
He dont value you their is no reason how this makes sense and him actually wanting to see u if he did he would have
Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was being too clingy.
Thats not in the relms of being clingy u are in a long distance relationship that he constantly is in your area and has done nothing about it
He should definitely try and make some time for you. If it's not possible he should say so.