Girls, Why does it seem like more girls are hesitant to date guys these days?

[Anonymous]

Tinder dates for one night stands don’t count. I mean something special.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Because some guys these days have turned friends into friends with benefits, have turned dating into looking to hook up more than looking to date someone to actually have a relationship with. Because some guys are using the internet to have multiple long distance relationships while sleeping with chicks IRL. And then too, when you add the guys that trash talk the whole female gender, like all women are feminists or gold diggers or over-emotional or trying to control men with sex, it doesn't make dating very appealing.
And it's not just men, there's women guilty of some of these actions as well. People have ruined the trust in dating in these times. With their dating/sleeping with multiple people at once, with sexting people online while dating others. With treating people like products with this "social market value" or "damaged goods"... People can BE GOOD but their NOT goods to be comparison shopping or trade in for a better model, they're people with feelings. But people don't seem to regard anyone's feelings but their own these days..

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Because of all the times they were told the same things and none of them lasted talk is cheap gotta show a woman more with your actions like of she's upset do you confort her get her to talk about it no matter how silly you think the topic is can you see why she's soo upset.. maybe her purfume bottle smashed.. you hated that smell but made her feel mote confident and she just bought it less than a week ago can you get on her level and comfort her or do you say get over it just buy a new one.. too many guys promise the world and first sign of trouble leave then attempt to come back when everything appears to be okay.. we have our walls up too want you to prove yourself to us before we let our guard down cause everyone will hurt you.. just have to find someone thats worth the hurt.. your thinking how can I say everyone easily they will physically by saying what needs to be said to get in our pants or they will be our dream come true spend our whole lives together but die before us still pain.. if a girl you like has been hurt by someone being unfaithful or tried to please soneone else so much she tried to create herself to be what he wanted abd it still didn't work.. she lost herself her desires been in both those situations and both are hard to come back from and you tell yourself you won't allow it to happen again so you put up walls abd think back of what could have been warning signs and say if any guy does or says this I need to run.. you need to show her your a safe place and won't hurt her.. not just say it

[Tavena02]

It’s getting harder to find a nice guy when all that you see around you are horrible men. For example I just thought I was talking to this nice guy and realized he was too good to be true. Hard worker very polite sweet and oh so attractive. Come to find out he had a girl this whole time. Just the other day had a man, a 30 year old man BEGGING me to send him nudes after I told him no several times. Ended up blocking them both. It’s honestly getting to the point where “real” “nice” men are becoming extinct sadly.

[Asker]

I would never send nudes to a girl, I’ve had girls ask me to send them nudes and I didn’t, they got mad and stopped talking to me... I don’t get how that works.

[Alpha09]

Because it's not a necessity for us to live anymore. There are less marriages and more divorces because we have a choice. Same with dating. Why would I date someone when I can support myself and hook up whenever I want without having to be in a relationship first? I'm not gonna get into a relationship with someone unless I really like them and they bring more to the table besides dick🤷 people have the option now to focus on someone's personality and other qualities, instead of settling because they need a place to live and someone to support them financially. We can afford to be more picky I guess.

[Alpha09]

And also women are starting to work on themselves and focus on their careers instead of "finding the one" before 30. It's just not at the top of everyone's list anymore.

[Asker]

I have worked for cut throat companies and your boss or bosses don’t give a shit. I will never let work consume my life that much. If people obsess about their careers that much where it’s all they think about it that’s messed up. I work, I go to grad school, I use dating apps, I help my parents, I cook, I clean, I run errands... That’s life. Call me old fashioned but I believe a good spouse can make the other better and vice versa. But today’s fuck culture and modern day feminism, nah no thank you. I’m not one of those guys who wants a girl to be a stay at home. But people are married, people are in relationships and go to work it’s not impossible. I’m not expecting a girl I’m with to be some Baywatch babe 24/7, cook for me and stay home like a hermit all day. If this is what girls brain washed into thinking relationships is slavery because the way guys act makes it that way then that’s retarded. Girls don’t date because of past douche bags who ruined her life so she gets a cat or dog to fill the void for that love. A boss won’t give a shit if you’re on your period and you have something to submit by 5pm to corporate, it’s a cut throat world. More people are suffering from depression and their health is being affected by the amount of work they do. If you think I’m wrong, I’ve learned about this in university and I will give you the emails of my profs then if you think I’m kidding.

[Alpha09]

Do you dude, but not everyone wants to settle down right now. Lots of people have lots of different reasons. Some of us prefer to focus on our career and casually see people. If you have a problem with that then that's a you issue. Find someone who's into what your into, otherwise I don't know what to tell you 🤷

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I'm not sure really. But for me it's because of multiple reasons. First I'm more anxious towards guys and haven't been attracted to any for many years, only best friends with them. Another is because I'm pressured by other men and women to date a guy. Which makes me not want to due to the fact I don't want to just date a guy just to please those people (I just want to date whoever I love. Is this not simple enough for people these days?) There's more I think but it can be a lot to handle for me sometimes. Everything is all mixed up and I'm confused with it. But that's ok because I'll get out of it one day.

[Anonymous]

Because most experience sexual harrassment and assault. a lot of guys not saying all don't know the term no. But also I can say from experience it's mainly because the guys I come across are great at the start then if I move in. They become lazy and expect me to be their mother. I have a son already I don't need to be looking after another man child. i have also experienced when it comes to the bedroom it seems to be one way. Where I doing everything for the guy sexually but if i ask for something simple in return it's always excuses. I just need someone to put in as much effort and loyalty in the relationship as me.

[CuteLingsAppreciator]

Because most of them have had bad experiences with men, and are taught to do their best to prevent being assaulted by them. Why would we put ourselves at risk, for painfully wonderbread men when we have so much to lose socially, mentally and physically.

[Asker]

So the guys who are actually are proper why do they get automatically rejected without a girl knowing him? Look at all presidents of the past, look at the morals and ethics of America’s government of what they spend money on (ex: billions to Israel, war, and other stupid things). And many presidents live by that mantra. Yet society keeps believing and voting for these idiots. A girl I’ve talked to for 3 years who’s not even American and neither am I. You may not agree with my political views but the fact that she has more faith in Biden then me that’s a slap to my face of “trusting” me. Meanwhile Biden has approved $1+ billion for war purposes even if it means kids die. That goes to show girls don’t truly know how to separate intelligence and their heart. I’m sorry if that’s blunt, that doesn’t go for all women/girls but many girls/women are hesitant to give a guy or a man a chance but vote for someone who will be involved in war crimes.

[Asker]

I’m aware of the physical aggression males have used but you know what I’ve seen guys completely have a nervous breakdown or be super depressed because a girl broke up with him. Are girls going to say aww he’s suicidal because I broke up with him? Nah she’s going worry about herself. It’s not excuse and it’s not hard. A girl should talk to a guy by text and or phone I would say 3 months to see how a guy is. Then when she agrees to meet up she should have a no sex rule even after 5 dates. Dates should be in an open environment. And both individuals should explain to the other if things don’t work out then there has to be a mutual understanding to stop seeing each other. A girl can tell if a guy is obsessive or if he gets angry over small things then that’s a clear sign... it’s not difficult. Girls let their emotions get the best of them even if it’s a bad boy she desires to change or fix because he’s such a bad ass and he’s so hot. Those guys will break a girls heart and those heart breaks are what girls need to realize and not do stupid things. Same with guys, guys or men who pursue bimbos or gold diggers or manipulative liars have to learn not to always trust a pretty face.

[CuteLingsAppreciator]

Women's safety matter just as much, if not more, than some random low number of "good men" they might come across. They are simply protecting themselves, and rightfully so. She had more faith in Biden because he is not a potential partner, he is a political figure, don't compare apple to oranges. Clearly, you are not as much of a nice guy as you think you are. Bringing up mental health issues is manipulation, women suffer after their assault too yet it doesn't seem to matter as much to you than the imaginary scenarios you create. You have no say in what a woman should and should not do, you have no idea what it is like, you're so self-centered you don't even realize that people do not owe you the time of their day, and that their boundaries should be respected as much as yours are. You are asking women to lower their guard without reason, you dismiss their boundaries because you're feelings are hurt by women rejecting you. No one owes you a relationship, no one owe's you love and that's the same for everybody else on this forsaken planet. "girls/women are hesitant to give a guy or a man a chance but vote for someone who will be involved in war crimes." all presidents commit war crimes in the US anyways, voting for the lesser evil is in no way comparable to settling with a random man who thinks he deserve it. "women this women that" you don't know anything about women, clearly from your comment. Who are you to establish rules of dating for women? We know when we aren't interesting in a man after talking to him for a few minutes, and guess what, we don't owe them the time and energy it takes to get to "know them better". You're clearly forgetting that anger is an emotion, feeling depressed is an emotion, having a mental breakdown after being rejected is extra emotional and overdramatic.

[Asker]

I have to confidence in myself and I can’t worry about what some previous idiot did to a girl I’m not going to stoop myself to that level. And I am aware of the mental aspect of a girl getting attacked or what not. Girls usually tell me I seem chill and down to earth and I’ve even heard girls say I’m a harmless guy. I take that as a compliment. So it’s ok you can make your assumptions about me. But isn’t it odd you want me or other guys to worry about a girls mental state of why she doesn’t want to get close but you’re making assumptions about me 🤔 come on now. If I said, girls are yucky and icky, a girl will think I’m either a child or I’m gay. Yes, as a straight guy I want to have sex but you know what I believe in sexy with someone significant. A girlfriend or a wife, and I never had a girlfriend and I’ve never been married. Yeah no one “owes” me loved but you know in my heart is someone is a good person and willing to adapt and change those people do deserve happiness. I stand by what I say, if a girl is going to be silent over a president she voted for and that president provides billions in war that kills kids. Then I’m going to question her ethics, it’s selfish then if a girl doesn’t care about innocent lives dying overseas over someone she voted for. I believe in love and I’m not going to let your comment destroy that. Feminism destroyed the minds of many women to, feminism has bad mouthed guys where even girls have a name for it as FemiNazi’s. You disagree with me 100% but I’m not trying to hit on you, I’m not asking you out. I have 3 older sisters, and majority of my family are women. When girls in the past have asked me to have sex with them Or them sending me nudes I’ve declined, I can give a girl space, and I’m not hounding her for sex. My time will come and you can shit on my dreams and my feeling for love all you want but it’s not going to extinguish anything. I believe I will get a girl.

[CuteLingsAppreciator]

You can't feel empathy or sympathy for abused women? Sorry not sorry, you're not a good person. You clearly are not willing to adapt because you're literally sitting here arguing about how women should cater to you, and how they should give every guy a chance because "hey, he might be a good person". All us presidents are war criminals, all us presidents have killed people overseas, Biden is the lesser of the two evil, which doesn't make him good. Some people believe in harm reduction when harm will be done either way. I'm not "shitting on your dream for love". I'm not making assumptions, I'm using the information you have given and paraphrasing them. It's also not about women's feelings, it's about their physical safety. As a bi women, who is painfully average, I too am sexually attracted to women, I respect their boundaries and don't expect them to give me the time of the day because I am attracted to them, and guess what? This attitude is the reason I never experienced rejection from a woman before. Shocking, isn't it? How being respectful of people's reticence makes them like us more? And more willing to give a chance.
I care about the people I want a relationship with, no matter their gender, I care about their personhood, and they're past and I'm mindful of it, that's the bare minimum. A standard you can't even meet (see the first line of your comment). You knowing women doesn't make you any more of a good person, you thinking that women's liberation is bad doesn't help your point at all. Your arguments are so disjointed, and incredibly immature.

[Angieeebabieee]

Because people are proving to be less trust worthy and loyal. People like to pretend to want something serious but not put the work into the relationship. Because people don't know how to be mindful of their actions and respectful to the emotions of the other person

[Commander_Red]

From personal experience, guys have always tried to use me as hook up and flat out disrespected me and manipulated my feelings for their own ego or gain. I'm tired. Sure, you can "not all guys are like that" but all that guys I have met so far (including my males friends) have proven to me time and time again that they can't date seriously. I refuse to invest in a guy until they put it the work.

[whatdoyouwantt]

Because we are being let down. I feel like society changed to bad. Nobody is about love, everyone is selfish. And that’s where we are.

[Asker]

I just wasted 3 years of my life for a girl who said she liked me and wanted dick pics but never met up for even date, i don’t trust girls anymore.

[whatdoyouwantt]

Why’d you date her that long without meeting, if its long distance, you gotta meet within a year. But its hard. You can also stay with them without expecting anything until you meet

[Asker]

No here’s the fucked up thing, we live probably about half an hour or 45 mins by drive maybe 1 hr; 30 mins if I switch subway lines. I was dating her and I’m going to confront her About this. I’ve had enough, even my mom asked me “are you talking to any girls right now because don’t waste your time with girls who are not serious”. That convo I had with my mom was last wk. if I end it with that girl so be it, but I’m tired of girls whining about not meeting a girl who’s overall good, good looking, funny, cooks good food, good education, loyal, patient, etc. But that’s the problem you girls don’t get. It’s easy for you girls because you’re getting courted everyday or getting DM’s by different dudes. No girl is going to walk up to me and say “wow you look cute in that suit, or nice Jordan 1s”, girls don’t do that. I’m tired of this BS. And if I talk to this girl in a non-argumentative way and she’s still quiet well fuck her. But she will realize her stupid mistakes.

[Asker]

Typo: I was NOT dating her

[Asker]

Also when I say confront I should say just text not physically, I’m not that over bearing.

[whatdoyouwantt]

Then she surely has someone. If you want something real you must meet too. Yeah its true for us its easier BUT tell me how would you feel if you had 1000 guys in your dm and you’d always get disappointed by all of them. You loose hope, right. You think even if they act interested, they will still treat you bad while you, you just need to find a girl and it might already work out. Also we women are often object to this men, we get perverted pics, texts from most of these “fans” so grass ain't greener on the other side. Alright I can get 1000 compliments from this men, I have attention too but none of them is dating material. Atm I just don’t see it. Some are also acting stupid. They’ll make plans, then ghost you, and when its the day, they will think you are still meeting them? Or one who was keep making plans I refused, but I finally agreed then he ghosted me. Few days after, he acts like nothing happen, tries to victimise himself and make another plan and spams you on daily basis. I don’t have time for toxic men. Not worth it lol soo quantity isn’t quality

[whatdoyouwantt]

Always know if someone is interested they will find time. That girl isn’t that far and she still had excuses. Next time set a time til when you shall meet and stick to it. Also if she's relatively close, ask her twice and if she still refuses, let it alone, if someone is interested. They won’t let you down twice, and if they really can’t meet you that time, they will RESCHEDULE. Remember that. They will offer another day that suits to them better.

[Asker]

She even looks at my IG stores and she removed me off your IG list. It doesn’t make sense. But what you described I don’t act that way. That’s why I’m surprised I’m not getting girls atm. I’ve never had a girlfriend actually. I’ve offered this girl to take her to movie’s, to an NBA game, for coffee, or I’d be willing to make her chicken Parmesan, fettuccine alferdo, lasagna and fresh baked bread for dinner where I would cook for her. Here’s another thing she’s asked for dick pics from me, I declined to, she sent me “provocative” pics of herself and when she asked if I wanted to see more I said no thanks. So right there I’m trying to be respectful so she sees a different side to me.

[Asker]

But I’m also getting ghosted, blocked, treated poorly if I’m just asking questions and being non-sexual. Some girls have this trigger where if a guy msgs them they automatically go into castrate mode to argue with a guy. Girls like that have something wrong with them. I don’t treat every girl the same but at my age in my early 30s and that many rejections I’m getting tired. At least you girls get compliments and attention, it can flatter a girl and make her feel beautiful that many guys think she’s gorgeous. With that girl I really don’t know what to do, should I say anything or just quietly remove her from my life.

[Asker]

and no she doesn’t have a boyfriend or husband I’ve asked, she told me she has a hard time trusting guys because guys stalked her or harassed her in the past but when that doesn’t mean it’s ok for her to do that to me for 3.5 years.

[whatdoyouwantt]

If she asked for nudes like that then she’s definitely not looking for something serious. She just wants to have fun. It’s strange she doesn’t want to meet, maybe cause she knows you want more than sex, or she just has someone else for that. You really should make a plan how much time you are going to waste on someone. Don’t let it be infinity cause thats not how things work. And hey don’t feel bad, you are a great guy, she just wasn’t worth it. Its nothing weird here. It happens with everyone. You just move on and look for someone who is actually willing to meet. I also talked to a guy for a month, thought he’d ask me out within a week, he didn’t. I hinted him and he only said how badly he wanted to meet but he never actually made plans. He would even go out of his way asking me when I am free to meet and then no plans would follow up. Each week I pulled away and he chased after me. After a month we still haven’t met, so I deleted him. I don’t like games, not wasting time either. I liked him, I had a crush and we talked like it’s really gonna turn into smth, but he probably either has someone, has ex issues, or just looks for online entertainment while he is waiting for someone else. there's a reason to everything. Trust me

[whatdoyouwantt]

Nono I didn’t mean husband/boyfriend, she could just simply be into casual sex or whatever

[Asker]

So should I bother messaging her and telling her I’m moving on? But that I’m also disappointed in her behaviour.

[whatdoyouwantt]

Well if she’s been ignoring u, u can ghost her.. but if ur on good terms then you can tell her or just not tell and let her know ur seeing someone when she reaches out

[Anonymous]

I feel like straight up i am obliged to measure up to some standard i am unable to reach plus that i am obliged to have sex with him earlier than im ready to ( i need to warm up to people to get to the comfort level of getting naked together, it takes some time to feel comfortable together)

[creambutter656]

these days guys are least trustful than ever. They leave girls in their emotional fort they have built. They cheat on any next beautiful girl they see. What other reason do we girls need?

[Asker]

Well I don’t do that. I admit my humour is different and I may come across as a bit odd with that humour. But overall I think I’m a decent guy and tbh I’ve had opportunities to have sex with different girls but declined. So the fact that I’m in my early 30s no girl in my life and still a virgin doesn’t mean I never had opportunities. Let’s be honest, if a guy is not experienced then he’s also seen as a loser and maybe that’s why guys behave that way. The same way girls are told to dress half naked. It’s the music industry, it’s the movie industry, it’s the entertainment industry. It’s our culture in the west especially to act this way. For me I was never a fan of doing drugs, drinking booze, going to parties, baking my skin on the beach... it’s not my cup of tea. Just like how you want a guy to truly know who you are. I want a girl to truly know who I am but it seems to me if you don’t have a big dick are completely hairless done there or have a ton of money then you’re not worth it in her eyes. I just feel like a lot of girls sold their soul for this world.

[creambutter656]

Seems like my answer hurt you. Sorry for that