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Would you go to therapy or just give up?
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18Opinion
As long as my partner is motivated and sincere, I will try marriage counseling/therapy. . . unless the issue is that she cheated on me.
It depends on what the issue is... and how seriously you've both explored every option to staying together and making things work.
When I finally chose divorce after years of trying to "fix" the issues of my relationship I realized that the problem just wasn't me. Marriage should be a journey that two people take together, hand in hand, on equal footing. Sort of like two horses pulling a cart forward. If one horse is sitting in the cart and the other is pulling everything on his/her own... then the relationship is going nowhere regardless of how diligently the one horse pulls.
Fun Fact: Not being one to give up, and not trusting my own analysis, we DID go to a therapist... who used the same metaphor. I looked from my guy to the therapist and back... And after a month of trying to get the guy on the "two horse" track we ultimately had to file for the divorce.
Moral of the story? Trust your gut and don't waste your time -- if you FEEL in your bones that this is not fixable, map out an amicable parting and save yourselves the massive third-party billing.
Hope that's helpful.
Sounds very similar to my story.
@OlderAndWiser Yeah, I figure a lot of the 40+ gagers are on here because we've been caught up in something like that at some point. It's just life.
Hopefully, we all learned some lessons so the time involved wasn’t a total waste!
I don't believe in therapy. I believe you just need to tell your partner you want to talk to them and have both of you speaking your minds. Having open and honest communication is all you need in a relationship to patch things up. Sadly a lot of people aren't mature enough to understand that.
Sex life isn't satisfying? Talk about it.
Not enough romantic gestures? Talk about it.
Some things about your partner annoy you about them? Talk about it.
They let it go and you're not as attracted to them? Talk about it.
Don't get me wrong. Sometimes communication can't solve things because one person can't handle what's being said about them and doesn't take it well. It can fail when they won't change or compromise either. But for most issues in a relationship, there's a solution you can find without therapy.
I view couples therapy as making use of a dispassionate mediator when one or both partners are having difficulty sorting things out and reaching a more objective space. In my experience, it was very helpful and we are stronger because of it. But, big caveat... It has to be a really good therapist or the results can be disastrous.
I think everyone should have a back up fund and an escape plan should a relationship turn sour. I feel these therapist are just pushing the "You must be married" agenda and forcing women back into clutches of abusive husbands on the basis of a bad husband is better than no husband. No doubt countless women have died because of therapy.
I've been in therapy weekly since I was a young teenager.
Sometimes it helps.
Sometimes it's just a chat with a familiar face.
I'll keep going.
As long as you see a benefit
Yeah.
There was some famous baseball player who went to therapy with his wife and the therapist eventually encouraged him to leave his wife. He later found out that the therapist had been banging his wife the whole time.
It depends on the issue.
I definitely wouldn’t go to therapy for relationships issues (especially for infidelity) I would end that relationship.
But I would go for grief counseling (which I’ve done)
Oh you mean couples therapy now I pressed the wrong button. I believe in psycho therapy but I'm not convinced when it comes to couples therapy.
No matter the problem (even if she cheated on me), if both are motivated, apologetic, and sincere about moving forward, I’m open for therapy/counselling if all else hasn’t helped.
as I always recommend it, of course... if needed, I would seek therapy, for anything that's actually needed
Yes , I’d def go as long as it’s a relationship we both believe in
The data is that in the majority of cases couples therapy doesn't work, and it can cost a lot of money and time to find that out.
Good call partner. Go to the data.
Plus it seems like if both people aren't open to it, what's the point. If you just want someone to validate your standpoint or they can go F themselves regardless of qualifications you're just trying to buy authority.
We went to Marriage Counselling, and she said the Dr. was "on my side" ?
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The former to try to repair the relationship.
Oh I don't give up. Except on women sometimes.
Oh. I'd go.
I'd go to therapy, if it's decided via the therapy that we are just don't have any connection anymore then I would have to throw in the towel.
I may be crazy but I’m not stupid & if truth be told I wouldn’t want do go to someone who refers to themselves as The Rapist (Therapist).
Can't afford therapy.