Cooking for Your Man

It may be because of an ex-girlfriend, who was an excellent chef, that I started experimenting with food in my own spare time. It was always a treat to be at her table. When I think of her (she is still a very dear friend) I remember her apron on which a naked female body was imprinted. She liked to wear it when she cooked. Seeing my interest in the apron and in the cooking in general she bought me the male version of that apron, with a naked triangular shaped male body on it. I still wear it when I go to work. To work in the kitchen of course.

I have been experimenting with Russian food lately and I invited my girlfriend for a surprise dinner. Here is the menu: Borsch Moskovsky (a sophisticated beet soup), Bef Stroganov (sauted beef with mushrooms and sour cream), pickled mushrooms. I don't know if it was the vodka but she told me that it was the most entertaining dinner she ever had. Then she invited me over for a dinner. I was curious about what she was going to cook. She said it was a surprise.

Two days later I was at her house at the table waiting to be served. I could smell a thick tomato cream probably cured with big chunks of garlic. There was some seafood too. It was all my guess because she made me sit at the table and wait.

The first dish arrived. It was a big bowl of oyster soup with a thick creamy tomato sauce. She told me the oysters are the "food of love." Two to three oysters are enough to supply the amount of zinc required for a man to have a healthy reproductive system. I enjoyed this nutritional presentation of hers but the soup was so thick that I had to use a knife (literally). Then came the salad. A full plate of raw broccoli. She said broccoli is the most potent "protective food" for men against bladder and prostate cancer. We ate the whole plate.

Then came the peanut butter and I started to get suspicious. She also brought slices of bread in a nicely decorated bread box. She said peanut butter was "the medication against heart disease." I really liked her healthy choices but things were getting a bit strange when immediately after the peanut butter she brought a whole watermelon and dropped it on the table. She said, until the age of 55, more men suffer from high blood pressure than women and research suggests that foods rich in potassium can reduce the risk of high blood pressure and stroke. I sliced the watermelon while I listened to her in awe.

We ate the whole watermelon while we watched "Like Water for Chocolate", and excellent film about cooking and love. Since then she is the one who chooses the ingredients and I am the one to cook. Lately we have been eating a lot of buffalo meat because it is a rich source for iron and can help women gain energy after menstruation. I especially use buffalo meat to prepare red sauce for pasta.

My suggestion to a woman who invites a man for dinner for the first time is to make him wait at the table to prolong the surprise, ensure the house is filled with delicious aromas and wear something cute. The actual food is less important than the effort you went to make it.